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| Blogs > PerfectPussy86 > Ramblings of my BDSM journey |
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My Demon - Doubt I have a nasty little demon who rear its head at the most unexpected times. He is the DEVIL. And what does this demon make me do....doubt. Not just myself but also my incredible Master. I doubt my ability, my looks, my own judgment and worst of all, I doubt the most important man in my life. I need make it clear that my Master will not have done anything make feel like this, he treats like no other man has done before, with love, respect (as long as I’m behaving) and compassion. I can take things so personally. For example, if my Master tells what he likes and asks do something which seems obvious but I didn’t realise, I can beat myself up for days for not knowing. How could I be so stupid and not know exactly what he wanted and what he thought 0% of the time - silly right! No one can know exactly what the other person is thinking all the time. I also find that in a D/s relationship (and probably in all relationships) you are both constantly growing and learning, and isn’t that exciting! It would be ridiculously boring if we stayed exactly where we started. I have say though that with every day I spend with my Master, my doubt gets smaller and smaller. I would trust him with my life, and hope he knows we could do the same. I know it isn’t something which is going disappear overnight, I will have work on it most days, I need fight the battle. |
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We all have periods of doubt/insecurity. I try to accept my demons and for lack of a better word, 'negotiate' with them. I give each of them a name and then create an image of them, and any time any of these demons show up, I mentally examine why they are there and then will do my best to give them a good back hand if they are up to no good, or hold out my hand to walk with them when they are ones that will give me pleasure. I know this may sound weird, but it does help me to cope.
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From a song - - "It's mighty strange without a doubt Nobody knows you when you're down and out"
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11/24/2019 5:15 pm |
you should start looking for something new to do
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11/24/2019 7:10 pm |
i understand your demon, i think we all battle it because the desire to serve creates such a huge opportunity. We could go almost any direction, so even if you do a great job going one way, there are 3 other directions you could have gone. Master reminds me to excel at what i do and try not to worry about non-critical events that were let to choice. Proud of you sister to fight the demon!! 
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