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Ramblings of my BDSM journey

My journey of finding my feet in this incredible world

Is this acceptable behaviour....
Posted:Jun 11, 2020 1:41 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2020 7:50 am
So Alt wouldn't let me post this in my photos so let's try on here as lots of people mentioned on my status. So what do you think of this mans behaviour? I was disgusted. Firstly, I appreciate my response is not polite, however it is warranted with such a horrendous opening line.
I haven't even bothered hiding the username as I think these individuals needs to be help accountable for their actions.
What is name also doesn't know is that I struggle with my appearance every day. His message hurt me initially. I am incredibly body conscious and it takes a lot for me to post photos of myself.
If you have been guilty of fay/slut shaming people, please just take a minute to consider how your words may impact people.

Ok Alt have now deleted the photo (predictable) therefore here is the conversation:

Man: Let's talk about what you are going to do to me: Insert his number

Me: You can fuck right off

Man: lol - bloke pretending to be a woman are you?

Man: Just actually looked at your profile - fat cunt aren't you
My Future Self - The Slut
Posted:May 19, 2020 11:37 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2020 4:47 am

I have been thinking a lot about my future self; what is she like? How does she dress? How does she act? There has been an image in my head which I have always pushed down because it wasn't accepted in society...but I always wanted and craved attention, sex...anything which was about .

It was not until I met my Master that things started falling into place. He saw this urge pretty instantly in me but also saw the piles of baggage I have piled top of it because of the conservative upbringing I have had. So finally, like a butterfly emerging from its kinky cocoon...I am a slut. I really am, I just want attention all the time, and I want people (in particular men) to crave me.

This new realisation has been such a weight off my shoulders. Plenty more on this to come...I have already written a plan on where I want to get to and how I will get there but not yet ready to share it so publicly. But watch this space...
1 comment
Why am I struggling to understand and be patient the subs I had before I met my Master…
Posted:Apr 13, 2020 3:18 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2020 8:03 pm

So a few subs or friends I met through Alt has been in contact recently, but if I am honest, they have mostly annoyed me - no reflection on them, this is 100% me. That more submissive man, who would come running whenever I requested, or who needed that help, support and guidance, just does nothing for me. And I know why…because I was “playing a part” when they were serving me. I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons I don’t believe. In fact I was the one who desperately needed the help, support and guidance.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have that Domme side but it isn’t the kind and caring Domme from before. I feel like my true self has been let out and the fantasies in my mind are far from what I did before. In fact, I get off on the complete opposite but those are for another time.

Funnily enough, Master and I had discussed playing with another sub, with me as a Domme. Initially I was so excited but as reality set in, I felt nervous. I was more focusing on making sure I pleased everyone else rather than myself…this in turn made me realise I wasn’t ready. Being the ever-supportive King, my Master saw it wasn’t the right time to push me. So fantasy parked…for now! Right now, I am not ready to explore these extra fantasies in my Domme side. I am 100% focused on serving my Master.

I feel whilst the progress I have made as a sub is great, I have so much further to go. My journey is just starting. I am still finding my feet and need to learn how to fully let go and give all of myself. My body wants to but my overthinking brain still tries to hold me back.

So going back to reason for this post. Basically, I have come to realise that people are always changing and emerging, especially in the BDSM world. It is very exciting opening my mind up to new and wonderful things. Idea’s thought were just awful last year, now make my pussy wet and clit pulse as thought of them. So sorry to those who served me before, sadly you don’t do anything for me anymore but you were all special to me in your own way.
I can't get one of my fantasies out of my head....
Posted:Apr 8, 2020 11:00 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2020 10:47 pm

So recently I have been thinking so much about a fantasy of mine. I really really REALLY want watch my Master beat the shit into someone. One year ago, if I knew I was going to write that, I would have thought I was a right weirdo.

The thought of watching my incredibly manly Master demonstrate his sheer power and leave someone as a quivering wreck makes me so wet.

I am loving how my brain and mind is being opened and challenged. I am constantly thinking of new things which excite me.

So anyone else brave enough to share their fantasies?
What your markings mean to me
Posted:Apr 5, 2020 10:30 am
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2020 3:51 am

To me your marks are you literally showing me your love. It is the physical demonstration of ownership. They are your brand, I am branded. I am yours. Do they hurt? Fuck yes but that is how I earn them. These marks touch my soul and my heart. I am proud wear them, I get upset when they start to fade and you aren’t there to generate more.

Right now my body is unmarked, it craves you every second. I count the minutes until we can be reunited again.
I’m going to say it…I cannot cum through penetration
Posted:Mar 26, 2020 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2020 1:27 am

So I am not sure why so many women feel they need lie about this and why they don’t just admit it. It is plain and simple, some women just can’t, and it is nothing be embarrassed about. In fact, by admitting it and owning it, I have started getting closer and closer cumming whilst riding my Master alone, but still, when Sir allows it, and if he wants cum whilst riding it, I will always use a vibe as well push over the edge.

you women who don’t feel they can admit it…just own it! Be open and honest, have fun trying figure out ways which make it better.

Short and sweet today but just needed to say something 😊
Toodles everyone xx
Let's focus on the happy things....
Posted:Mar 23, 2020 6:59 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2020 11:04 pm

Anyone else really fed with the constant barrage of negative media/social media coverage of our present situation? I feel it is overwhelming and dragging us share some happy thoughts and memories. Tell me about your positive why you love your partner, or something kinky you have achieved recently...

I will start with, well obviously you know how much I love my Master and I cannot wait be reunited with him once this over. I am really grateful for him and all he is teaching . But aside from him, I feel I am really getting know who my real friends are. The ones who are checking in, and supporting each other. Those are true friendships.

So over you!
Example of my insecurities
Posted:Mar 17, 2020 9:43 am
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2020 12:45 pm

So I am going be very open with you all by giving an example of how my minds works…it’s twisted and irrational inner workings. I am not doing this for any reason other than help others who may struggle with these types things let you know, it is ok 😊 You should also know that my Master is fully aware of everything I post, we believe in complete openness and honesty about everything, even the things which seem small and/or petty.

I am so incredibly happy in my relationship. It is the best one I have ever experience, in fact may be the only “real” relationship I have experienced…but is it perfect? 0% no, any relationship takes work on both sides. I think because I am so happy, I am waiting for it go wrong, my brain is programmed believe that something this good isn’t real, isn’t true so something must give.

And what am I currently fixating on? My Masters ex. I have no idea why. It is like my brain cannot accept happiness so wants sabotage everything. Don’t get wrong, I know a lot of people would love their partners not have exes but it is part of life so we need get on with things. My mind seems get stuck on stupid little details which creep into my insecurities. I know my Master and his ex are friends, and that is absolutely fair enough, it is lovely that there is no bitterness. Her name will pop up on his phone and it just triggers something. It is like I cannot stand the fact he loved someone before me. It is even getting to the point where I have a recurring dream that he breaks up with me because he still loves her. I have had that dream 3-4 times now, always the same and always so painful. Sounds bloody irrational, right?

I think I am beginning to understand where it is coming from though. I make myself vulnerable to my Master. I didn’t know what that meant before, I just thought it was about being close to someone and knowing you can talk to them about anything, like a best friend. It is 0% that and so much more. It is fully giving yourself another person, letting them see every angle of you, including the really ugly parts you can’t even see yourself. It is incredibly frightening and invigorating at the same time.

It was my Master who suggested I started blogging and the more I do it, the more I realise it has helped me open up, process and just generally find that sense of release.

Before the haters start writing about how my Master must be doing something wrong make feel like this….shush, he isn’t. This post is purely presenting myself you, opening up and revealing more about my inner workings.

Enough from today, thanks for reading xx
I think I did it…or started to….
Posted:Mar 2, 2020 6:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 8, 2020 5:41 am

So this weekend I spent a perfect few days with Master. It was incredible. I was nervous because last time Master and I played, I got so overwhelmed and had to stop. Things couldn’t have been more different this time around. As soon as we were in our room, I felt one hand grasp throat and the other grab hair and I just relaxed. The need and want to serve overtook anything negative which tried to creep in.

Master used me probably the hardest he has done so far and I loved every second. I didn’t feel scared of the pain. He was able to slap me twice across the face (see most recent photos to see the results!) and I just felt a warm glow. whole body relaxed, and it showed. I was able to take almost all of his cock deep in throat and hold it there.
I think favourite part of this weekend was Master stopping part way through and drive and walking me into the woods before forcing me to knees to suck him. Sadly, was way too cold in the mountains to do much more.

Those who have read blogs know I have struggled with letting go. I am not saying I am there yet, but I have definitely started on the journey. I think it has changed because I have asked Sir the questions which have been bugging me…and its those ones which I think are but have helped me understand his love me. And it is his love which reassures and relaxes me.
1 comment
The Different Kinds of Love
Posted:Feb 23, 2020 7:17 am
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2020 11:10 am

I think everyone’s experience of love is different, because we all seek different things.

I will start off telling you what experience of love is. To me it is all consuming. I don’t ever hide feelings of love from Master. He is focus; he is everything. The love I feel him makes me heart want to burst, and I literally want everyone I know to share in happiness, but I am also incredible careful not to “shove it in people’s faces” – although I realise on here I most likely do so apologies that. I think I am pretty lucky in what I have found…but not really that many people want to hear about it. Only nearest and dearest know the true depths of feelings, and that circle is small! I tend of not bring him up unless someone asks about him because I never want to be that person who has nothing else to talk about…but somehow when I am speaking with friends I always find a way to link conversations to him – those thoughts stay in head.

I know this may seem like I have unsupportive friends and you should be able to talk about him whenever I want, but I choose not to. I know friends wouldn’t mind if I did because they are awesome, however I choose to keep a lot just in head because I find our memories and our everyday life sacred, something to cherish. So as I said, idea of love is all consuming.

So what about what I think about how Master loves me. Well I always expected the man of dreams to be as passionate and have same view of love as me…but I was so wrong. It wouldn’t suit me I have realised. I know Master loves me, he said it first to complete amazement and I will never forgot the feeling it gave me. Master isn’t about these sweeping gestures or poetic scenes. With him it is plain and simple, it is factual. Because I know him, I know that he wouldn’t say it just for the sake of it. Master felt it, so he told me…and that means more to me than some long drawn out romantic evening with rose petals, chocolates and champagne (but don’t get me wrong I also want those things on occasion!).

Other kinds of love then…well where to start? I think all I am wanting to say in this post is that whatever kind of love you have, that is fine. Never judge yourself against what others are portraying. Also just never have and expect the “perfect” kind of love you have seen in films (those who follow me know thoughts on Disney! They have a lot to answer to). Just know love can be the easiest and hardest thing to do.

I am sure most of you already know all of this but just putting two cents worth forward.

Happy weekend all. xx

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