A shamelessly stolen word or two on profiles
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Posted:Jul 16, 2020 12:32 pm
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 5:32 pm 4039 Views
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A Word (or 2) on Profiles -MsBossyButterfly's Writing from another site-with Her permission use it I have done so here.
A Word (or 2) on Profiles
Let’s talk about profiles for a moment, shall we??
I’d like give a holler a couple of humans before getting down and dirty with this topic for some contributions and also getting my brain going again on profiles and the importance of them.
Last night, I had the honor and privilege of debating Red Flags vs. Green Flags via the website/podcast hosted by the lovely @NookieNotes. I’ve met some AWESOME humans and I will say, while I believe green flags exist to give you the go ahead, knowing the importance of and utilizing RED FLAGS will ALWAYS be more important in navigating relationships and especially with kinky shit.
Here go the shameless shout outs:
@NookieNotes ...OMG thanks a million for allowing me to be a guest on your podcast and go up against someone in a debate with respectful rules in . For ANYONE is not aware of the cool and fun site that NookieNotes has up and running, for the love of floggers and buttstuff, go check it out
@QueenSassy for the thought provoking and some ideas that you will see below in this post. I TOTALLY expect to see your sexy & sassy self in the comment section or snagging this post in a reference of something of your own!!
@JohnnieHotbody for some complete truths and insight on this topic
Now….for the topic of:
PROFILES…..WHY ANYONE CAN’T OR WON’T USE THEM IS WAVING A GINORMOUS RED FUCKING FLAG
It was very directly pointed out me by one of the 3 humans listed in this post…..that there is a HUGE NEED FOR PEOPLE BE ENCOURAGED USE PROFILES. I believe the exact quote was this:
“How can we as a community help others see that not reading a profile is a red flag most E/everyone. It's the most basic rule I have. My profile header screams at people read My profile and they still write Me.”
Yeah….damn….I feel !! Seriously.
For YEARS my profile read “I do NOT accept random friend requests. Please first.”....and of course BOOM…daily friend requests without any contact.
After receiving this …..I really got thinking about PROFILES as well as the sent me and my participation in @NookieNotes debate.
And...yeah...I have agree with the that was sent….”NOT READING A PROFILE IS A RED FLAG”
**BUT HOLD ON…BEFORE YOU GET YOUR BUTT PLUG IN A BIND & NEED THE JAWS OF LIFE PULL THAT FUCKER OUT OF THE NOW SUPER TIGHT CREVICE YOU CREATED…GIVE ME A SECOND BREAK THIS ALL DOWN.
WHY THE FLYING FUCK DO WE NEED PROFILES ANYWAY???
Well…..In theory….as pointed out my lovely masked @JohnnieHotbody….”Profiles make things simpler. You announce are. You give a clear picture of you are. A profile allows for others know you want engage with and the types of interactions that will be successful.”
Damn…someone trained that boy up right :: VIL FUCKING GRIN:::
But seriously.
I am going defend the whole “younger crowd” and “millennial mindset” as well as the “newbie the lifestyle” arguments in regard WHY there seems be concerns with issues in the Kingdom of Kink. @JohnnieHotbody went his very 1st kink event with me in March of 2018. Initially, I mentored him and now, he’s my Guard with a very fluid dynamic which develops organically daily. However, this is a 20 something yr old guy with only 2 years experience in the BDSM lifestyle and he “gets it.”
So…we need to really consider IF the “young dumb” blame game is REALLY the problem.
The answer: NO!!
The problem is really 2-fold:
EXPERIENCED KINKSTERS don’t use profiles ~AND~
Kinksters don’t INSIST on others READING THEIR profiles BEFORE engagement.
Now...now...I know...YOU have ALL these really valid reasons for not having a profile.
BOOOOOO!!
Shut it….those reasons really are justifications and excuses when you think about it.
I have been privy some of these over the years and will show you why people just don’t bother:
No one’s going bother read it.
Yeah...well that’s the problem, isn’t it? If you don’t write it though, you can’t INSIST others read it and help the community start setting standards.
Profiles are time consuming write something insightful and there’s more interesting things do while on FetLife
Yes….I get it. We all want look at boobies, exquisite rope work, check out is going what event, and gawk at that bleached bunghole with a pretty little gem stuck in it.
But come on humans…..surely you have time THINK about your profile when you would rather be on FL when you’re not…..like when you’re sitting in a boring ass meeting…..or on a crowded metro….or while listening your mother in law go blah blah blah at another ridiculous family gathering. Take some time think about you are so others can know you……..even if it means you can’t spend every waking minute on FL liking 30K pics and jamming my friend feed…..
Discretion, I can’t have anyone figuring out I am.
OMG...are you fucking serious?
This one pisses me off.
You can be discrete and STILL write a really solid, legit profile that tells ABOUT you without disclosing everything. No one is asking you put down your name, social security number, date of birthday or other fucking PHI…..This is a flipping excuse for just not doing it.
Pick out some fun fucked up stock photo or geezus take a picture of a daisy in a park with a hand written sign that says “one kinky fucker” as your damn avatar, fill out the info at the top and then talk about you as a damn kinkster. No one needs your vanilla details…...stop being wankers and calling it “discretion”...EVERYBODY has some type of discretionary need(s).
Oh….side note on this “discretionary thing”....you don’t want anyone to know you are but you want do some fucked up shit with them…..eventually you have disclose some details build trust...that’s why this discretion and no profile thing pisses me off so badly. It’s a cop out.
People are superficial & showing you are is risky in that kind of society
Ouch...that just fucking hurt.
I know….I’m sorry
Here’s an ice pack and a band-aid.
However, it’s really truthful.
Humans have become more and more superficial as we’ve been inundated with social networking sites and apps. It’s hard go a little deeper because you might expose a little bit of you and that’s risky. Somebody might not like you. Or make fun of you.
Well guess what starfish…..that shit is already going on….you see it on writings, pics, thread comments.
Get a backbone.
Delve into you are and shine on you crazy diamond
It’s NOT mandatory as part of the site (thanks again to @JohnnieHotbody for input)
Whoa…..what a fucking idea.
What if you HAD to create a profile.
There ARE sites where you absolutely MUST create a profile in order to participate as part of the community. Again, this gives others users an idea of who you are, what you are about, if they want to interact with you on the surface or go deeper (oh yeah baby...deeper & harder!!!). It’s a way for validating if people REALLY want to be an active member of the community as well.
People are lazy
Yep...humans are a bunch of lazy MoFos
Writing a profile takes time and effort
Again….who wants to do that when you got all dem tittties????
It takes NO EFFORT to scroll through K & P and googly eye all the yummy goodness.
Writing a profile is hard and just not something lazy ones feel like doing.
Ok….having said that…..The nitty gritty of ALL of this is that PEOPLE need to WRITE profiles...and truly INSIST on others reading them. It’s the first step in really creating a solid understanding about who you are and who is connecting with you.
So what do you all think??
– MsBossyButterfly
You can find the real writing on fetlife through My profile QueenSassy
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The Top 3 things
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Posted:May 26, 2020 1:27 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2020 12:55 pm 3403 Views
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Top 3 Things not to talk to about until I bring it up:
1.orgasm control-anything do with it
2. Teaching you to please Me
3.Punishment-anything do with it
Top 3 things to ask about:
1. How is your day going,with the SIP?
2. What kinds of things do you grow in the garden?
3. What are your favorite birds?
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I should have walked away
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Posted:Dec 31, 2019 5:35 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 5:32 pm 3461 Views
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I should have walked away
I really should have just walked away but I didnt,I stood there admiring the work of the tag machine in the Normal IL Walmart. While the tag was being made,I had said to My guy "I should stand in front of the screens when I make a tag" "Do you really think so?" he says sarcastically as until that day the tags all said things like property of Queen Sassys or Proud Owner of____ or you belong to Queen Sassy but today's tag was completely different.
Standing there looking at the Hello Kitty tag ...I should have walked away.I didnt,"Can I see how that turned out?" was a Woman's voice next Me. I can honestly say that for the 1st time in My life..I was a deer in headlights...I just stood there..staring at her...going over the question...Trying to decide do I show HER how wicked awesome it looks.
Meanwhile...My guy has slunk off to the side away from Us cuz he knows what that tag says...he knows Im gonna show her,he cant believe Im just standing there..oh there it is,She is showing what it says,he slinks off a bit further away...
The Lady takes the tag and reads the words out loud
Queen Sassys ...C..ock..cock? Queen Sassys cock she repeats and then She looks up at Me and says "Oh,I dont care about content I just wondered are they worth it?"
My guy has now moved even further away cuz he knows he has a cock and while he is carrying My cock he doesnt want this stranger to have any clue about it at all!! He also knows I will explain the tag goes on a cat collar for the cock and balls so when they are naked,she says "Everyone knows its YOUR cock?" YES!! I say,he wants no part of that and slowly keeps making his way further away
She goes on to say "the way you were looking at me I was sure you didnt speak English,now I understand why you hesitated!" adding "Mine is for a real dog"
I can no longer contain Myself and laughter starts consume Me,I bid her a wicked day! She replies "it will be"
We get to the car and My guy says " YOU just had to say that about the screen and summon a vanilla didnt you!"
I get up the next day as I take the first sip of coffee My guy asks
"how did that come out?"
As I finish writing this I can hear her saying: "So at walmart today..."
I should have walked away,Im glad I didnt.
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SOME NAMES/Titles people use
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Posted:Feb 8, 2019 8:44 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2019 8:51 am 4461 Views
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SOME NAMES/Titles people use
LEATHERFOLK (see above), BDSMers (see above), PERVS or PERVERTS, KINKSTERS or KINKY FOLK- These should be fairly self-explanatory. Obviously not everyone will want to use every one of these terms, it is very much a matter of personal preference.
Two important qualifiers here:
1. It is extremely important to note that there exist factions within the community that are usually termed OLD LEATHER (also OLD GUARD, OLD GUARD LEATHER) and NEW LEATHER, with OLD LEATHER referring primarily to a very formal and codified style of PLAY (see above) and practice, and NEW LEATHER being obviously, a newer, less formal style. OLD LEATHER traditions are more common in the gay and lesbian community than in the heterosexual community, but this is not a hard and fast rule of thumb necessarily, as you will find heterosexuals who practice this style also.
2. It is also important to note that PERV and PERVERT when used in this way are meant in a humorous and affectionate way rather than an as a self-hating insult, similar to the way that the term "queer" has been to a large extent re-appropriated by the gay community. This is of course usually apparent from context. Related to use of the term PERV is the term PERVDAR, adapted directly from the gay community’s "gaydar", and it has exactly the meaning you would think it does.
SADIST- This is a tricky one, as are all of the terms that seek to define orientation. Even within the community you will find great dissension on all of these points. For the purposes of this column, a SADIST IS:
One who receives erotic pleasure from the application of pain. Pain, by the way, comes in all types, and as far as I personally (and many others) are concerned, the sadist who has never touched a pair of nipple clamps or a singletail whip in his or her life, but loves to see a masochist beg for a punishment, is still most definitely a sadist.
Other names for SADIST are:
TOP, PITCHER (unlike SADIST, also used as verbs, TO TOP, TO PITCH). It should be noted that TOP has traditionally been used as a catch-all term that encompasses DOMINANT (see below) and SADIST. There are a couple of good reasons for this, namely that it is a tricky endeavor to sort these things out and some prefer to just say TOP and have done, and also that some feel that making a distinction between TOP and DOMINANT is privileging dominance/submission and positing the PLAY (see above) that doesn’t overtly involve this as somehow lesser. This is to some extent gradually falling out of use but it’s still quite common, especially in more traditional leather communities, so I thought I should include it here because you will see it elsewhere- although for the purposes of this column, it will not be used in such a manner.
For the purposes of this column, a SADIST is NOT:
A wife-beater, a serial killer, a kicker of and a stealer of candy from babies. This misconception is common and one that I would like to . While it is certainly not impossible that an erotic sadist could be any or all of these things, it is not common and by no means true across the board. Your average erotic sadist is interested in mutual gratification with a consenting partner, and in using all kinds of pain as pleasure-giving stimuli. It should also be noted that many sadists will prepare endlessly in advance, learning safety and medical techniques, learning how to use their instruments properly, learning the smallest details of their partners’ facial expressions and body language, in order to make the experience as good as possible, and take a great deal of pride in their knowledge and skill, as indeed they ought.
MASOCHIST- His or her counterpart. For the purposes of this column, a MASOCHIST IS:
A person who receives pleasure from receiving the sadist’s ministrations.
Other names for MASOCHISTS are:
BOTTOM, CATCHER (unlike MASOCHIST often used as verbs, e.g., TO BOTTOM, TO CATCH). BOTTOM is obviously the counterpart to TOP. Similar usage caveat applies here- it is used by some as a catch-all term, for (obviously) the exact same reasons, but for the purposes of this column a distinction will be made. A PAIN SLUT is a specific type of MASOCHIST who is much much fonder of pain sensations in and of themselves than I, subaltern, will ever be.
For the purposes of this column, a MASOCHIST is NOT:
A person who has a massive orgasm every time they stub their toe (what I think of as the flipside to the "sadist as dogkicker" stereotype). A person who gets off on root canals. A person who enjoys being poked and prodded and fondled by random strangers in bars. A person who owns a video copy of "John Tesh Live At Red Rocks". A person who -loves- tax time.
DOMINANT (also Dom, Domme)- For the purposes of this column, a DOMINANT IS:
One who derives emotional and/or erotic satisfaction from a partner’s surrender of control. This could be surrender of control in erotic situations only, or in varying levels of life decision-making, or both. A dominant is often also (but not -necessarily-) a SADIST.
A DOMINANT who does it professionally is called a PRO-DOM (also PRO-DOMME, DOMINA, and I suppose DOMINATRIX but only if you absolutely must- it’s considered rather old-fashioned). Most professional dominants are female, but there are male professional dominants as well. A professional dominant can work either on his/her own, or as part of a HOUSE or a PARLOR. A professional dominant is often also a LIFESTYLE (see below) dominant.
Some names for DOMINANTS are (among others, many invent their own as they see fit):
Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, Lady, Lord, Prince, Princess......you get the idea. These sorts of terms are referred to as HONORIFICS. The term MASTER is also used by some as a counterpart to the term SLAVE as indicating a different level of control in the relationship than the term DOMINANT. In OLD LEATHER (see above) circles, the title of MASTER is often honorary and always must somehow be -earned-. Often the person who uses the title MASTER (or MISTRESS) has a highly developed skill in one particular area. In -any- circles, arbitrarily insisting on the title MASTER without any experience, skill, or knowledge to back the use of such a term up is considered unspeakably gauche and will also cause all but the most naive of novices to snicker at you.
For the purposes of this column, a DOMINANT is NOT:
Someone who cavalierly orders everyone around all the time, including at work or social occasions. Someone who becomes nastily upset every single time they do not get their way. Someone who barks a lot. Someone who acts like Captain VonTrapp in "The Sound of Music". Some guy who woke up one morning and decided it would be really cool if he could get people to call him Master and bring him beer every time he clapped his hands (see CHUDWAH, below).
SUBMISSIVE (also SUB, or *yuck* SUBBIE)- For the purposes of this column, a SUBMISSIVE IS:
One who derives emotional and/or erotic satisfaction from surrendering some level of control to a dominant. A submissive is often also (but not -necessarily-) a MASOCHIST.
For the purposes of this column, a SUBMISSIVE is NOT:
A doormat. A weakling. Submissive to everyone, all the time. Automatically -your- submissive, unless you have an understanding to that effect. Ten times more likely to magazines from an over-the-phone salesman than a non-submissive. Put on Earth for the purposes of being manhandled and/or ordered around by any goofus who takes it into their head to do so (less clothes does not mean less manners, asshole!). A person who enjoys and welcomes being harassed by said goofuses. A person who will never fight back when so harassed. A person who owes it to every loser who thinks s/he is a DOMINANT (see above) to play along with his or her idiocy.
Other names for SUBMISSIVES are (and of course, many also invent their own as they see fit):
Slave, , , Slaveboy, Slavegirl, Pet. Many prefer to make a distinction between SLAVE and SUBMISSIVE, according to the level of control each surrenders. When a dominant and a submissive have come to a committed arrangement (often a committed romantic relationship, but not -necessarily-) of some kind, whether formally contracted or informally agreed upon, that submissive is said to be OWNED by the dominant. Usually this also entails the dominant presenting the submissive with a COLLAR, sometimes in a ceremony called COLLARING.
SWITCH- For the purposes of this column, a SWITCH IS:
Someone who can be both a MASOCHIST and a SADIST.
Someone who can be both a SUBMISSIVE and a DOMINANT.
For the purposes of this column, a SWITCH is NOT:
Someone who can’t make up their mind what they want to be. Someone who of necessity cannot be serious about dominance/submission or sadism/masochism, because of said "flightiness".
I think the best way to understand it is to think of a switch as the PERV (see above) equivalent of a bisexual. Their relationships are no shallower just because they are capable of both kinds.
PLAYER- Literally, a person who PLAYS, or participates in s/m and/or dominance/submission activities, usually carrying the connotation of someone who is a real-life participant rather than someone with lots of fantasy experience and a very tired wrist.
-ORIENTED- A SUBMISSIVE (see above) who gets deep satisfaction from rendering to a dominant, such as making their coffee, giving foot massages, &c. is said to be -oriented. A TOP (see above) whose foremost pleasure and main purpose as regards PLAY (see above) is making the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM (see above) squeal and writhe with ecstasy is saidto be a TOP.
SENSATION PLAYER- Someone whose PLAY (see above) interests and chief satisfactions are physical and who has no serious interest in DOMINANCE/SUBMISSION (see above). Sometimes used in a derogatory manner, although for the purposes of this column the term is neutral, as we do not regard sensation players as lesser than we are.
LIFESTYLER- Someone whose DOMINANT/SUBMISSIVE inclinations and interactions extend beyond the bedroom or dungeon and into their daily lives. Such people are often said to be involved in what is called a 24/7.
FETISHIST- see FETISH above. One for whom a particular object, activity, scenario &c. is necessary for erotic gratification. For the purposes of this column, a fetishist could be someone with a fixation of this magnitude, or a more one, where the particular thing in question is a strong turn-on, but not strictly speaking necessary to enjoyment of erotic activity.
EXHIBITIONIST- Literally, someone for whom exhibition is a big turn-on. This can range from being turned on by displaying whatcha got to being hellaciously turned-on by PLAYING (see above) in front of others. Technically I suppose this also includes flashers and the like, but when someone is talking about being an EXHIBITIONIST in the context of WIITWD (see above) they usually don’t mean they like to go out in raincoats and flash small in parks, but simply that they like to strut their stuff for appreciative and consenting audiences at PLAY PARTIES (see above), DUNGEONS (see above), or CLUBS (see above).
CROSSDRESSER (sometimes abbreviated as CD)- Literally, someone who dresses up in the other gender’s clothes. Often male, but not always. Cross-dressing is quite common as a kink among male SUBMISSIVES, for a wide-range of reasons, ranging from the fact that some consider it "the ultimate humiliation" to be dressed as a woman (no comment) to the fact that they simply think women’s clothes are a lot niftier/prettier/sexier than their own. A large of them are people who are turned on by wearing women’s clothes and, in case there’s -still- anyone who thinks that this automatically means a man is gay, it does -not-. In fact, it usually doesn’t. It is also important to know that a CROSS DRESSER is different from a TRANSVESTITE (see below).
TRANSVESTITE (also TV)- A transvestite is also someone who dresses up in the other gender’s clothes, but often the word has a different connotation. The difference is usually that this is way beyond a sexual turn-on, but actually more like a way of life. TRANSVESTITES are much more concerned with what is called PASSING, managing to actually pass for a member of the opposite sex. This is usually not a serious concern for the CROSSDRESSER, who pretty much just wants to wear the trappings on occasion.
TRANSSEXUAL (also TS)- Is someone who has reassigned their gender, or to put it more crudely, they’ve gone through the operation already- someone who has not yet undergone the operation, but is/has been taking hormones and all of that good stuff, and is for all intents and purposes fully reassigned aside from that one thing, is called a PRE-OP TRANSSEXUAL, or PRE-OP. Obviously this isn’t technically a kink, per se, but since there are not a few TSs in THE SCENE (see above) I thought this information well worth including.
VANILLA- A person who -doesn’t- do "wiitwd". In some circles this is derogatory, but usually it is a neutral term, and for the purposes of this column that is how it is intended. It is used both as a noun e.g., "My ex-wife was a vanilla" and an adjective e.g.,"We had vanilla sex yesterday".
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SOME GENERAL TERMS FOR THE THINGS WE DO
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Posted:Feb 8, 2019 8:17 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 5:32 pm 4456 Views
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SOME GENERAL TERMS FOR THE THINGS WE DO
(a section concerning specific activities
and what they involve will follow later on)
S&M- The other way to understand the term. As said above, this often refers to the -physical- pain given and received. See SADIST, MASOCHIST, below.
BONDAGE- The practice of restraining your victim. This most commonly involves rope, but can also involve chains, leather straps, &c., and in the case of He Who Must Be Obeyed and other creatively inclined minds, can include anything from gift ribbon to bungee cords to Saran Wrap.
FETISH- A sexual fixation on a particular object, activity, scenario, &c. As far as I am aware, the clinical definition of fetish is something that must be present to achieve orgasm. People who do wiitwd will use the term fetish to describe both a fixation of this magnitude and fixations which are more in the line of extremely strong turn-ons but aren’t strictly speaking -necessary- to enjoyment. Frequently the usage is similar to saying "he/she has a real thing for.......". For the purposes of this column, we will use the term fetish to denote both something that is necessary for enjoyment and something that someone "has a thing for", and which meaning is implied will no doubt be apparent from the context.
DOMINANCE- See DOMINANT below. Dominance basically means that one has been given some measure of control by the submissive person (this level obviously varies) and in exchange for the submissive’s obedience, the dominant takes control and assumes the responsibility of caring for the submissive and for both partners’ general well-being, either for the purpose of a SCENE (see below) or for a longer period of time.
SUBMISSION- See SUBMISSIVE below. Submission involves the gift of some level of power/control by the submissive to the dominant, and the gift of obedience. In return, the submissive will be cared and provided for, and (hopefully) lavished with attention and sensation, either during a SCENE (see below) or for a longer period of time.
DOMSPACE- This can mean one of two things. Which one will usually be apparent from context.
1. It is often used in the sense of entering a DOMINANT frame of mind. The vast majority of DOMINANTS don’t feel DOMINANT all the time, but only at certain times and situations or under certain circumstances. A deliberate effort must often be made in order to -access- this particular area of consciousness. This is also often referred to as being in a DOMINANT HEADSPACE.
2.DOMSPACE also has another meaning which is analogous to the second meaning of SUBSPACE below, and just as difficult to describe (even more so for me, because at least SUBSPACE is something I have experienced). It is when the DOMINANT becomes so intensely focused on the PLAY (see above) that they feel as if they are in themselves, outside of themselves observing, and also gloriously one with the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM. Like SUBSPACE, it is a transcendant and overwhelming state.
SUBSPACE- This can mean one of two things. Which one will usually be apparent from context.
1. The vast majority of SUBMISSIVES (see below) are not in a SUBMISSIVE frame of mind all the time, but only under certain circumstances, at certain times and situations &c. Like the DOMINANT, the SUBMISSIVE must also make a deliberate effort to access this part of their consciousness. This is also often referred to as being in a SUBMISSIVE HEADSPACE.
2. SUBSPACE has another meaning which is considerably more difficult to define, especially for those who have never been there. The best way I know how to describe it is that it is like a spiritually transcendent state of complete and overwhelming bliss, the aftereffects of which can last for hours and even days. I have heard it referred to as "a spiritual ". While this is happening, the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM is often said to be FLYING. It is similar to, but exponentially more intense and powerful than, what is often called "runner’s ". /Lecture Mode: On/ An understandable mistake that many, many VANILLAS (see below) make is thinking that all of this fancy stuff we do when we PLAY (see above) is solely for the purpose of a physical orgasm, that this is really just very weird and baroque foreplay. I’m not knocking orgasms, mind, I like ‘em as much as the next , but SUBSPACE and DOMSPACE are often really what we’re ultimately trying to achieve. Many of us, myself and He Who Must Be Obeyed most definitely included, are also quite fond of VANILLA (see below) sex as well, and yes, I like kissing and caressing and oral lovemaking, and come when someone stimulates my clitoris, just like the average vanilla woman does./Lecture Mode: Off/
TRAINING- Something a DOMINANT (see below) does with a SUBMISSIVE (see below). Teaching the SUBMISSIVE how you like your coffee, how to rub your feet, and all of that good stuff. Teaching the SUBMISSIVE the particular forms of etiquette you wish for them to espouse, whether it involves always sitting on the floor, always calling other DOMINANTS "Sir /Ma’am" &c, is also a part of TRAINING. TRAINING can also be used to denote the teaching of certain cues, rules, and/or signals such as the system of whistle signals that He Who Must Be Obeyed trained subaltern to obey in a timely fashion.
DISCIPLINE- DISCIPLINE can have various meanings. It can be a synonym for a system of TRAINING (see above). It can also be what happens to you when you are a bad subaltern. PLAY DISCIPLINE (or PLAY PUNISHMENT) is a term that denotes that a punishment is not serious, but strictly for fun, e.g., when He Who Must Be Obeyed bends a giggling subaltern over his knee and spanks her rather theatrically.
POWER EXCHANGE- The commonly used term for play that involves some exchange of control or power. This can occur over the course of a SCENE or for a longer period of time.
SCENE (also PLAY- see PLAYER below) - The second meaning of the word, usually used with a verb as in "to do a scene" or as a verb, e.g., sceneing (also PLAYING). This refers to performing some or all of the horrible perverted activities referred to above. A scene can be as complex or as simple as the participants deem it. It can be whacking your partner a few times with a hairbrush and then ordering them to satisfy you orally, or it can involve elaborate bondage, 500 clothespins, chains, whipped cream, knives, and large scarecrows named Sven.
LIMIT- Self-explanatory. The thing(s) a submissive can’t/won’t do. Most SUBMISSIVES or BOTTOMS start out with a jillion of these, and find that the grows lesser with time, although most people have some lines that absolutely can NEVER be crossed for various physical, mental, or emotional reasons. Those particular limits are said to be HARD LIMITS. A good TOP, DOMINANT, or SADIST (see below) will be understanding and sensitive with regard to this and not insist on pushing people past a point that will be destructive to the person’s physical/emotional health.
SQUICK- I have seen many fanciful definitions for this word. I’m not even going to attempt to outdo any of them. I will merely say that if something SQUICKs you, it is something you find so utterly loathsome that visualizing it makes you want to vomit. Also used as a noun, e.g., ‘The Spice Girls are one of my big squicks". The adjective forms are SQUICKY and SQUICKSOME.
SAFEWORD- A code word that stops the SCENE (see below) cold. Used when someone has had all they can take, or in SCENES where resistance ("no! No! STOP") is being played with, in order to distinguish a playful or in-role declaration of "stop" from a real "no, I really mean it, STOP". This obviously varies with the individuals. Some use a system of "red (stop), yellow (slow down, lessen the intensity), and green (go ahead, dammit, I love it!)", others just have one word. When the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM (see below) is gagged or for other reasons cannot speak, some specified signal, e.g., dropping a handkerchief, can serve as a safeword.
SSC- An acronym for "Safe, Sane, Consensual". There is naturally much disagreement as to how the individual terms safe, sane, and consensual should be defined, since obviously some level of risk is always going to be present. In some circles this term has a negative connotation, standing in as a codeword for a "gentrified" overly-safe brand of "wiitwd", in others it is completely neutral- how it is being used can be easily determined by context.
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4 Reasons People Ghost Their Way Out of Relationships
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Posted:Feb 4, 2019 8:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 5:32 pm 3849 Views
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IMHO t is time for both sexes to be more respectful of others feelings. Your actions have consequences towards people.
Dont go playing with people emotions,it just aint cool.
4 Reasons People Ghost Their Way Out of Relationships
Understanding "why" may help some to recover and others to avoid doing it.
Ghosting is when you suddenly disappear from the life of the person you have been dating. You stop responding to phone calls or texts, with no explanation. Although it has always been a risk in the realm of dating, it has become extremely common in recent years. The Plenty of Fish dating site conducted a survey in which they polled 800 daters from ages 18 to 33. Eighty percent of respondents reported being ghosted.
An obvious explanation for the increase in this behavior is that it is simply easier today to break up with someone by ghosting them, particularly if you met online and can avoid ever being face to face with them again. However, it is far from easy for the ghostee. Anyone who’s been ghosted knows how painful it can be. It leaves no way for the person left behind to make sense of what happened. Questions are left unanswered: “What did I do wrong?”; “Did he ever really care about me?”; and even, “Did something happen to her?” There are often lasting effects on the ghostee's self-esteem, particularly if they were already suffering from blows to their self-image. It may be helpful to understand the possible reasons.
1. Avoidance of confrontation
By this, I mean avoiding any type of direct communication which has the possibility of angering or even upsetting another person. Many (if not most) people are conflict-avoidant and would rather walk away or change the subject than get into an argument. Fear of angry responses like yelling or criticizing, and avoidance of emotional responses (crying or just tearing up) are both extremely common. Being ghosted usually does not mean that you did anything wrong; it is more likely that the person you were dating just could not bring themselves to be direct with you. Is that a character flaw? Not in my opinion. When you consider how many people have ghosted others, it isn’t helpful to label all of them as selfish or flawed. It is a matter of emotional maturity, and that is a trait that can develop and improve over time. If you think this explanation fits your situation, you’re better off forgiving instead of judging the ghoster, and then letting go as peacefully as you can.
2. Fear of emotional intimacy
This is the fear of actually allowing yourself to care deeply about someone, and accepting that they care deeply about you as well. It is not difficult for those with this type of fear to date for a month or even for years, as long as they are able to keep their emotional distance. (I have worked with couples married for decades who have not come to terms with their fear of emotional closeness.) The dating relationship may be stable until something provokes this fear in a way that is intolerable for the potential ghoster. This is not to say that the person who was ghosted is at fault; any number of events could have triggered this subconscious fear, and these events may have been unavoidable. Fear of intimacy is a long-term problem, not easily overcome, and usually requires awareness, followed by effort, in order to overcome.
3. Narcissistic personality style
The narcissist is not very likely to be empathic about the emotional pain of the person they are dating. Lack of empathy is a hallmark sign of narcissistic personality and is likely the reason for at least some instances of ghosting. If you have had time to get to know the person who ghosted you, you have probably seen other instances of their lack of consideration for others. What you may not have expected is that “others” included you.
4. Fear of a violent reaction
A much less common situation occurs when the person suddenly disappearing is afraid of an aggressive reaction to a breakup statement. I would not necessarily call this ghosting but rather a self-protective behavior. It is mentioned here to clarify that there are times when sudden disappearance is the only safe way out.
Final thoughts: None of this is intended to excuse ghosting. It is hoped that a consideration of these reasons will be helpful if it has happened to you. And if you are thinking about ghosting someone, consider some kinder options. Try to be mindful of the other person's well-being, and consider how you would like to be treated if you were in their place. Maybe she or he is capable of hearing your straightforward explanation of why you need to end the relationship.
If you can’t find the words to explain your change of heart, try saying something as brief as, “This just isn’t working for me. It’s not your fault. I need to end this relationship.” I think most readers would agree that a simple statement is better than no statement at all.
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Something different to try
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Posted:Feb 1, 2019 8:17 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2019 7:28 am 4013 Views
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not a sexual Dominant...howevah there are plenty who are and this is quite interesting if you have never done it,maybe it should be a bucket list  I did have a slave to try things on 
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Safety & Bondage
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Posted:Jan 30, 2019 8:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 5:32 pm 3915 Views
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Safety & Bondage
You to be aware of three major safety issues for Bondage.
They are nerves, circulation, and breathing.
Bondage that is to tight can cause nerve damage that shows up in numbness. Ask if they feel numbness. Use common sense and observe how tight the rope binds them.
In addition, blood circulation can be cut off by bondage that is to tight. Watch for coloration changes in the skin or numbness. The skin will turn cold and a purplish blue.
Chest bondage can cause difficulty in breathing and even more so if the binding is elastic. Also be careful of gags and insure they can breath through their nose. If they become upset breathing through the nose may become difficult. Be aware and don’t leave them alone.
Also be aware that some will have a panic attack (claustrophobia). Prepare for it and prepare to take action. Keep safety scissors nearby to cut them free. If you keep someone having a panic attack bound they may hurt themselves and you can rest assured that they will never trust you again.
You don’t overcome a panic attack by keeping them bound.
A note on safety scissors...They have DIFFERENT SIZES..use the RIGHT SIZE for the rope thickness you have. You can find safety scissors (they have a flat part you can put against skin and not cut them,still use care!) at wal marts and other places like a pharmacy or a place that sells medical things,like canes etc. They tend to carry the scissors.
Have fun out there and remember safety first means no injuries later!
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Bondage
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Posted:Jan 30, 2019 7:45 am
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 5:32 pm 4409 Views
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Bondage is about taking control if you are a dominant and losing control or letting go of control if you are a submissive (slave). Bondage can be an important part of slave training or BDSM scene . I t can render a feeling of helplessness to the tied slave . It is a huge turn on for many to have the feeling of helplessness and knowing the other party can do as they will to their body. For some, it is an emotional release that is very calming and restful while some struggle against the binding to feel the loss of control. It is every individualized reaction depending of the slave in bondage. Bondage is a very useful tool that a Master should learn.
It is not necessary to learn the complicated and time-consuming Japanese rope bondage techniques to do a competent job of restricting your slave. Japanese rope bondage often takes hours because it is a process of building on layer after layer of ropes. Good results can often be achieved with a basic knowledge of ropes, a few knots, safety precautions and a good imagination. So practice the basics.
Also, good general bondage can be done with the use of leather wrist and ankle cuffs. It’s much quicker and can be just as secure as ropes. It also takes less skill and is safer for beginners.
Bondage can be used for erotic stimulation, punishment, discipline training, or humiliation. It provides a real life example to the slave of her Master’s ownership of her body, time and space. She is completely at his mercy while bound and remains so until he decides to release her.
Bondage for restraint:
Bondage for pleasure and discipline training. Generally, this type of bondage should be very restrictive in nature. The less movement available to the slave, the better. This allows her to drift of into a subspace or relax into the control.
Predicament bondage:
Predicament bondage is another name for bondage that places the slave in a difficult, unpleasant, or embarrassing situation. It is unusually more than a hogtie, or tying to the bed. It usually involved something added like riding a or a weighted rope pressed against the clit. Pain is often involved but does not necessarily mean it is for punishment. It may be used to push or expand limits.
Bondage for Punishment:
Bondage, used for slave punishment, should be tied less restrictive allowing for some wiggling around, but at the same time, tied in a way that does not allow for escape. The slave can be bound in a position that becomes increasingly more uncomfortable the longer she remains in bondage. You don’t want her drifting off into subspace and enjoying the experience. Also, boredom is a useful element to incorporate into this type of bondage. Simple examples are:
1) Tying a slave to a pole or beam while standing and leaving her legs untied and not blindfolded her. It provides a very limited means of movement but will get very uncomfortable over time. Not having a blindfold will also make it harder for her to drift off into her thoughts and ignore the punishment. Time is an important element of this punishment.
2) Putting her on her knees and tying her hands above her head with her ankles tied to her waist is very effective. This does not allow the slave to stand, but she can still move some. Being bound, bored, alone and uncomfortable is a good teaching tool. This type of bondage also becomes painful over time.
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