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Queen Sassys Blog

SOME NAMES/Titles people use
Posted:Feb 8, 2019 8:44 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2019 8:51 am

SOME NAMES/Titles people use

LEATHERFOLK (see above), BDSMers (see above), PERVS or PERVERTS, KINKSTERS or KINKY FOLK- These should be fairly self-explanatory. Obviously not everyone will want to use every one of these terms, it is very much a matter of peral preference.

Two important qualifiers here:

1. It is extremely important to note that there exist factions within the community that are usually termed OLD LEATHER (also OLD GUARD, OLD GUARD LEATHER) and NEW LEATHER, with OLD LEATHER referring primarily to a very formal and codified style of PLAY (see above) and practice, and NEW LEATHER being obviously, a newer, less formal style. OLD LEATHER traditions are more common in the gay and lesbian community than in the heterosexual community, but this is not a hard and fast rule of thumb necessarily, as you will find heterosexuals who practice this style also.

2. It is also important to note that PERV and PERVERT when used in this way are meant in a humorous and affectionate way rather than an as a self-hating insult, similar to the way that the term "queer" has been to a large extent re-appropriated by the gay community. This is of course usually apparent from context. Related to use of the term PERV is the term PERVDAR, adapted directly from the gay community’s "gaydar", and it has exactly the meaning you would think it does.

SADIST- This is a tricky one, as are all of the terms that seek to define orientation. Even within the community you will find great dissension on all of these points. For the purposes of this column, a SADIST IS:

One who receives erotic pleasure from the application of pain. Pain, by the way, comes in all types, and as far as I perally (and many others) are concerned, the sadist who has never touched a pair of nipple clamps or a singletail whip in his or her life, but loves to see a masochist beg for a punishment, is still most definitely a sadist.

Other names for SADIST are:

TOP, PITCHER (unlike SADIST, also used as verbs, TO TOP, TO PITCH). It should be noted that TOP has traditionally been used as a catch-all term that encompasses DOMINANT (see below) and SADIST. There are a couple of good reas for this, namely that it is a tricky endeavor to sort these things out and some prefer to just say TOP and have done, and also that some feel that making a distinction between TOP and DOMINANT is privileging dominance/submission and positing the PLAY (see above) that doesn’t overtly involve this as somehow lesser. This is to some extent gradually falling out of use but it’s still quite common, especially in more traditional leather communities, so I thought I should include it here because you will see it elsewhere- although for the purposes of this column, it will not be used in such a manner.

For the purposes of this column, a SADIST is NOT:

A wife-beater, a serial killer, a kicker of and a stealer of candy from babies. This misconception is common and one that I would like to . While it is certainly not impossible that an erotic sadist could be any or all of these things, it is not common and by no means true across the board. Your average erotic sadist is interested in mutual gratification with a consenting partner, and in using all kinds of pain as pleasure-giving stimuli. It should also be noted that many sadists will prepare endlessly in advance, learning safety and medical techniques, learning how to use their instruments properly, learning the smallest details of their partners’ facial expressions and body language, in order to make the experience as good as possible, and take a great deal of pride in their knowledge and skill, as indeed they ought.

MASOCHIST- His or her counterpart. For the purposes of this column, a MASOCHIST IS:

A per who receives pleasure from receiving the sadist’s ministrations.

Other names for MASOCHISTS are:

BOTTOM, CATCHER (unlike MASOCHIST often used as verbs, e.g., TO BOTTOM, TO CATCH). BOTTOM is obviously the counterpart to TOP. Similar usage caveat applies here- it is used by some as a catch-all term, for (obviously) the exact same reas, but for the purposes of this column a distinction will be made. A PAIN SLUT is a specific type of MASOCHIST who is much much fonder of pain sensations in and of themselves than I, subaltern, will ever be.

For the purposes of this column, a MASOCHIST is NOT:

A per who has a massive orgasm every time they stub their toe (what I think of as the flipside to the "sadist as dogkicker" stereotype). A per who gets off on root canals. A per who enjoys being poked and prodded and fondled by random strangers in bars. A per who owns a video copy of "John Tesh Live At Red Rocks". A per who -loves- tax time.

DOMINANT (also Dom, Domme)- For the purposes of this column, a DOMINANT IS:

One who derives emotional and/or erotic satisfaction from a partner’s surrender of control. This could be surrender of control in erotic situations only, or in varying levels of life decision-making, or both. A dominant is often also (but not -necessarily-) a SADIST.

A DOMINANT who does it professionally is called a PRO-DOM (also PRO-DOMME, DOMINA, and I suppose DOMINATRIX but only if you absolutely must- it’s considered rather old-fashioned). Most professional dominants are female, but there are male professional dominants as well. A professional dominant can work either on his/her own, or as part of a HOUSE or a PARLOR. A professional dominant is often also a LIFESTYLE (see below) dominant.

Some names for DOMINANTS are (among others, many invent their own as they see fit):

Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, Lady, Lord, Prince, get the idea. These sorts of terms are referred to as HONORIFICS. The term MASTER is also used by some as a counterpart to the term SLAVE as indicating a different level of control in the relationship than the term DOMINANT. In OLD LEATHER (see above) circles, the title of MASTER is often honorary and always must somehow be -earned-. Often the per who uses the title MASTER (or MISTRESS) has a highly developed skill in one particular area. In -any- circles, arbitrarily insisting on the title MASTER without any experience, skill, or knowledge to back the use of such a term up is considered unspeakably gauche and will also cause all but the most naive of novices to snicker at you.

For the purposes of this column, a DOMINANT is NOT:

Someone who cavalierly orders everyone around all the time, including at work or social occasions. Someone who becomes nastily upset every single time they do not get their way. Someone who barks a lot. Someone who acts like Captain VonTrapp in "The Sound of Music". Some guy who woke up one morning and decided it would be really cool if he could get people to call him Master and bring him beer every time he clapped his hands (see CHUDWAH, below).

SUBMISSIVE (also SUB, or *yuck* SUBBIE)- For the purposes of this column, a SUBMISSIVE IS:

One who derives emotional and/or erotic satisfaction from surrendering some level of control to a dominant. A submissive is often also (but not -necessarily-) a MASOCHIST.

For the purposes of this column, a SUBMISSIVE is NOT:

A doormat. A weakling. Submissive to everyone, all the time. Automatically -your- submissive, unless you have an understanding to that effect. Ten times more likely to magazines from an over-the-phone salesman than a non-submissive. Put on Earth for the purposes of being manhandled and/or ordered around by any goofus who takes it into their head to do so (less clothes does not mean less manners, asshole!). A per who enjoys and welcomes being harassed by said goofuses. A per who will never fight back when so harassed. A per who owes it to every loser who thinks s/he is a DOMINANT (see above) to play along with his or her idiocy.

Other names for SUBMISSIVES are (and of course, many also invent their own as they see fit):

Slave, , , Slaveboy, Slavegirl, Pet. Many prefer to make a distinction between SLAVE and SUBMISSIVE, according to the level of control each surrenders. When a dominant and a submissive have come to a committed arrangement (often a committed romantic relationship, but not -necessarily-) of some kind, whether formally contracted or informally agreed upon, that submissive is said to be OWNED by the dominant. Usually this also entails the dominant presenting the submissive with a COLLAR, sometimes in a ceremony called COLLARING.

SWITCH- For the purposes of this column, a SWITCH IS:

Someone who can be both a MASOCHIST and a SADIST.

Someone who can be both a SUBMISSIVE and a DOMINANT.

For the purposes of this column, a SWITCH is NOT:

Someone who can’t make up their mind what they want to be. Someone who of necessity cannot be serious about dominance/submission or sadism/masochism, because of said "flightiness".

I think the best way to understand it is to think of a switch as the PERV (see above) equivalent of a bisexual. Their relationships are no shallower just because they are capable of both kinds.

PLAYER- Literally, a per who PLAYS, or participates in s/m and/or dominance/submission activities, usually carrying the connotation of someone who is a real-life participant rather than someone with lots of fantasy experience and a very tired wrist.

-ORIENTED- A SUBMISSIVE (see above) who gets deep satisfaction from rendering to a dominant, such as making their coffee, giving foot massages, &c. is said to be -oriented. A TOP (see above) whose foremost pleasure and main purpose as regards PLAY (see above) is making the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM (see above) squeal and writhe with ecstasy is saidto be a TOP.

SENSATION PLAYER- Someone whose PLAY (see above) interests and chief satisfactions are physical and who has no serious interest in DOMINANCE/SUBMISSION (see above). Sometimes used in a derogatory manner, although for the purposes of this column the term is neutral, as we do not regard sensation players as lesser than we are.

LIFESTYLER- Someone whose DOMINANT/SUBMISSIVE inclinations and interactions extend beyond the bedroom or dungeon and into their daily lives. Such people are often said to be involved in what is called a 24/7.

FETISHIST- see FETISH above. One for whom a particular object, activity, scenario &c. is necessary for erotic gratification. For the purposes of this column, a fetishist could be someone with a fixation of this magnitude, or a more one, where the particular thing in question is a strong turn-on, but not strictly speaking necessary to enjoyment of erotic activity.

EXHIBITIONIST- Literally, someone for whom exhibition is a big turn-on. This can range from being turned on by displaying whatcha got to being hellaciously turned-on by PLAYING (see above) in front of others. Technically I suppose this also includes flashers and the like, but when someone is talking about being an EXHIBITIONIST in the context of WIITWD (see above) they usually don’t mean they like to go out in raincoats and flash small ren in parks, but simply that they like to strut their stuff for appreciative and consenting audiences at PLAY PARTIES (see above), DUNGEONS (see above), or CLUBS (see above).

CROSSDRESSER (sometimes abbreviated as CD)- Literally, someone who dresses up in the other gender’s clothes. Often male, but not always. Cross-dressing is quite common as a kink among male SUBMISSIVES, for a wide-range of reas, ranging from the fact that some consider it "the ultimate humiliation" to be dressed as a woman (no comment) to the fact that they simply think women’s clothes are a lot niftier/prettier/sexier than their own. A large of them are people who are turned on by wearing women’s clothes and, in case there’s -still- anyone who thinks that this automatically means a man is gay, it does -not-. In fact, it usually doesn’t. It is also important to know that a CROSS DRESSER is different from a TRANSVESTITE (see below).

TRANSVESTITE (also TV)- A transvestite is also someone who dresses up in the other gender’s clothes, but often the word has a different connotation. The difference is usually that this is way beyond a sexual turn-on, but actually more like a way of life. TRANSVESTITES are much more concerned with what is called PASSING, managing to actually pass for a member of the opposite sex. This is usually not a serious concern for the CROSSDRESSER, who pretty much just wants to wear the trappings on occasion.

TRANSSEXUAL (also TS)- Is someone who has reassigned their gender, or to put it more crudely, they’ve gone through the operation already- someone who has not yet undergone the operation, but is/has been taking hormones and all of that good stuff, and is for all intents and purposes fully reassigned aside from that one thing, is called a PRE-OP TRANSSEXUAL, or PRE-OP. Obviously this isn’t technically a kink, per se, but since there are not a few TSs in THE SCENE (see above) I thought this information well worth including.

VANILLA- A per who -doesn’t- do "wiitwd". In some circles this is derogatory, but usually it is a neutral term, and for the purposes of this column that is how it is intended. It is used both as a noun e.g., "My ex-wife was a vanilla" and an adjective e.g.,"We had vanilla sex yesterday".
Posted:Feb 8, 2019 8:17 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am


(a section concerning specific activities
and what they involve will follow later on)

S&M- The other way to understand the term. As said above, this often refers to the -physical- pain given and received. See SADIST, MASOCHIST, below.

BONDAGE- The practice of restraining your victim. This most commonly involves rope, but can also involve chains, leather straps, &c., and in the case of He Who Must Be Obeyed and other creatively inclined minds, can include anything from gift ribbon to bungee cords to Saran Wrap.

FETISH- A sexual fixation on a particular object, activity, scenario, &c. As far as I am aware, the clinical definition of fetish is something that must be present to achieve orgasm. People who do wiitwd will use the term fetish to describe both a fixation of this magnitude and fixations which are more in the line of extremely strong turn-ons but aren’t strictly speaking -necessary- to enjoyment. Frequently the usage is similar to saying "he/she has a real thing for.......". For the purposes of this column, we will use the term fetish to denote both something that is necessary for enjoyment and something that someone "has a thing for", and which meaning is implied will no doubt be apparent from the context.

DOMINANCE- See DOMINANT below. Dominance basically means that one has been given some measure of control by the submissive per (this level obviously varies) and in exchange for the submissive’s obedience, the dominant takes control and assumes the responsibility of caring for the submissive and for both partners’ general well-being, either for the purpose of a SCENE (see below) or for a longer period of time.

SUBMISSION- See SUBMISSIVE below. Submission involves the gift of some level of power/control by the submissive to the dominant, and the gift of obedience. In return, the submissive will be cared and provided for, and (hopefully) lavished with attention and sensation, either during a SCENE (see below) or for a longer period of time.

DOMSPACE- This can mean one of two things. Which one will usually be apparent from context.

1. It is often used in the sense of entering a DOMINANT frame of mind. The vast majority of DOMINANTS don’t feel DOMINANT all the time, but only at certain times and situations or under certain circumstances. A deliberate effort must often be made in order to -access- this particular area of consciousness. This is also often referred to as being in a DOMINANT HEADSPACE.

2.DOMSPACE also has another meaning which is analogous to the second meaning of SUBSPACE below, and just as difficult to describe (even more so for me, because at least SUBSPACE is something I have experienced). It is when the DOMINANT becomes so intensely focused on the PLAY (see above) that they feel as if they are in themselves, outside of themselves observing, and also gloriously one with the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM. Like SUBSPACE, it is a transcendant and overwhelming state.

SUBSPACE- This can mean one of two things. Which one will usually be apparent from context.

1. The vast majority of SUBMISSIVES (see below) are not in a SUBMISSIVE frame of mind all the time, but only under certain circumstances, at certain times and situations &c. Like the DOMINANT, the SUBMISSIVE must also make a deliberate effort to access this part of their consciousness. This is also often referred to as being in a SUBMISSIVE HEADSPACE.

2. SUBSPACE has another meaning which is considerably more difficult to define, especially for those who have never been there. The best way I know how to describe it is that it is like a spiritually transcendent state of complete and overwhelming bliss, the aftereffects of which can last for hours and even days. I have heard it referred to as "a spiritual ". While this is happening, the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM is often said to be FLYING. It is similar to, but exponentially more intense and powerful than, what is often called "runner’s ". /Lecture Mode: On/ An understandable mistake that many, many VANILLAS (see below) make is thinking that all of this fancy stuff we do when we PLAY (see above) is solely for the purpose of a physical orgasm, that this is really just very weird and baroque foreplay. I’m not knocking orgasms, mind, I like ‘em as much as the next , but SUBSPACE and DOMSPACE are often really what we’re ultimately trying to achieve. Many of us, myself and He Who Must Be Obeyed most definitely included, are also quite fond of VANILLA (see below) sex as well, and yes, I like kissing and caressing and oral lovemaking, and come when someone stimulates my clitoris, just like the average vanilla woman does./Lecture Mode: Off/

TRAINING- Something a DOMINANT (see below) does with a SUBMISSIVE (see below). Teaching the SUBMISSIVE how you like your coffee, how to rub your feet, and all of that good stuff. Teaching the SUBMISSIVE the particular forms of etiquette you wish for them to espouse, whether it involves always sitting on the floor, always calling other DOMINANTS "Sir /Ma’am" &c, is also a part of TRAINING. TRAINING can also be used to denote the teaching of certain cues, rules, and/or signals such as the system of whistle signals that He Who Must Be Obeyed trained subaltern to obey in a timely fashion.

DISCIPLINE- DISCIPLINE can have various meanings. It can be a synonym for a system of TRAINING (see above). It can also be what happens to you when you are a bad subaltern. PLAY DISCIPLINE (or PLAY PUNISHMENT) is a term that denotes that a punishment is not serious, but strictly for fun, e.g., when He Who Must Be Obeyed bends a giggling subaltern over his knee and spanks her rather theatrically.

POWER EXCHANGE- The commonly used term for play that involves some exchange of control or power. This can occur over the course of a SCENE or for a longer period of time.

SCENE (also PLAY- see PLAYER below) - The second meaning of the word, usually used with a verb as in "to do a scene" or as a verb, e.g., sceneing (also PLAYING). This refers to performing some or all of the horrible perverted activities referred to above. A scene can be as complex or as simple as the participants deem it. It can be whacking your partner a few times with a hairbrush and then ordering them to satisfy you orally, or it can involve elaborate bondage, 500 clothespins, chains, whipped cream, knives, and large scarecrows named Sven.

LIMIT- Self-explanatory. The thing(s) a submissive can’t/won’t do. Most SUBMISSIVES or BOTTOMS start out with a jillion of these, and find that the grows lesser with time, although most people have some lines that absolutely can NEVER be crossed for various physical, mental, or emotional reas. Those particular limits are said to be HARD LIMITS. A good TOP, DOMINANT, or SADIST (see below) will be understanding and sensitive with regard to this and not insist on pushing people past a point that will be destructive to the per’s physical/emotional health.

SQUICK- I have seen many fanciful definitions for this word. I’m not even going to attempt to outdo any of them. I will merely say that if something SQUICKs you, it is something you find so utterly loathsome that visualizing it makes you want to vomit. Also used as a noun, e.g., ‘The Spice Girls are one of my big squicks". The adjective forms are SQUICKY and SQUICKSOME.

SAFEWORD- A code word that stops the SCENE (see below) cold. Used when someone has had all they can take, or in SCENES where resistance ("no! No! STOP") is being played with, in order to distinguish a playful or in-role declaration of "stop" from a real "no, I really mean it, STOP". This obviously varies with the individuals. Some use a system of "red (stop), yellow (slow down, lessen the intensity), and green (go ahead, dammit, I love it!)", others just have one word. When the SUBMISSIVE/BOTTOM (see below) is gagged or for other reas cannot speak, some specified signal, e.g., dropping a handkerchief, can serve as a safeword.

SSC- An acronym for "Safe, Sane, Consensual". There is naturally much disagreement as to how the individual terms safe, sane, and consensual should be defined, since obviously some level of risk is always going to be present. In some circles this term has a negative connotation, standing in as a codeword for a "gentrified" overly-safe brand of "wiitwd", in others it is completely neutral- how it is being used can be easily determined by context.
4 Reas People Ghost Their Way Out of Relationships
Posted:Feb 4, 2019 8:56 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am

IMHOt is time for both sexes to be more respectful of others feelings. Your actions have consequences towards people.
Dont go playing with people emotions,it just aint cool

4 Reas People Ghost Their Way Out of Relationships
Understanding "why" may help some to recover and others to avoid doing it.

Ghosting is when you suddenly disappear from the life of the per you have been dating. You stop responding to phone calls or texts, with no explanation. Although it has always been a risk in the realm of dating, it has become extremely common in recent years. The Plenty of Fish dating site conducted a survey in which they polled 800 daters from ages 18 to 33. Eighty percent of respondents reported being ghosted.

An obvious explanation for the increase in this behavior is that it is simply easier today to break up with someone by ghosting them, particularly if you met online and can avoid ever being face to face with them again. However, it is far from easy for the ghostee. Anyone who’s been ghosted knows how painful it can be. It leaves no way for the per left behind to make sense of what happened. Questions are left unanswered: “What did I do wrong?”; “Did he ever really care about me?”; and even, “Did something happen to her?” There are often lasting effects on the ghostee's self-esteem, particularly if they were already suffering from blows to their self-image. It may be helpful to understand the possible reas.

1. Avoidance of confrontation
By this, I mean avoiding any type of direct communication which has the possibility of angering or even upsetting another per. Many (if not most) people are conflict-avoidant and would rather walk away or change the subject than get into an argument. Fear of angry responses like yelling or criticizing, and avoidance of emotional responses (crying or just tearing up) are both extremely common. Being ghosted usually does not mean that you did anything wrong; it is more likely that the per you were dating just could not bring themselves to be direct with you. Is that a character flaw? Not in my opinion. When you consider how many people have ghosted others, it isn’t helpful to label all of them as selfish or flawed. It is a matter of emotional maturity, and that is a trait that can develop and improve over time. If you think this explanation fits your situation, you’re better off forgiving instead of judging the ghoster, and then letting go as peacefully as you can.

2. Fear of emotional intimacy
This is the fear of actually allowing yourself to care deeply about someone, and accepting that they care deeply about you as well. It is not difficult for those with this type of fear to date for a month or even for years, as long as they are able to keep their emotional distance. (I have worked with couples married for decades who have not come to terms with their fear of emotional closeness.) The dating relationship may be stable until something provokes this fear in a way that is intolerable for the potential ghoster. This is not to say that the per who was ghosted is at fault; any number of events could have triggered this subconscious fear, and these events may have been unavoidable. Fear of intimacy is a long-term problem, not easily overcome, and usually requires awareness, followed by effort, in order to overcome.

3. Narcissistic perality style
The narcissist is not very likely to be empathic about the emotional pain of the per they are dating. Lack of empathy is a hallmark sign of narcissistic perality and is likely the rea for at least some instances of ghosting. If you have had time to get to know the per who ghosted you, you have probably seen other instances of their lack of consideration for others. What you may not have expected is that “others” included you.

4. Fear of a violent reaction
A much less common situation occurs when the per suddenly disappearing is afraid of an aggressive reaction to a breakup statement. I would not necessarily call this ghosting but rather a self-protective behavior. It is mentioned here to clarify that there are times when sudden disappearance is the only safe way out.

Final thoughts: None of this is intended to excuse ghosting. It is hoped that a consideration of these reas will be helpful if it has happened to you. And if you are thinking about ghosting someone, consider some kinder options. Try to be mindful of the other per's well-being, and consider how you would like to be treated if you were in their place. Maybe she or he is capable of hearing your straightforward explanation of why you need to end the relationship.

If you can’t find the words to explain your change of heart, try saying something as brief as, “This just isn’t working for me. It’s not your fault. I need to end this relationship.” I think most readers would agree that a simple statement is better than no statement at all.

Something different to try
Posted:Feb 1, 2019 8:17 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2019 7:28 am
not a sexual Dominant...howevah there are plenty who are and this is quite interesting if you have never done it,maybe it should be a bucket list I did have a slave to try things on
1 comment
I AM Mistress because....
Posted:Feb 1, 2019 8:08 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2019 8:13 am
Not because I am anything special
Safety & Bondage
Posted:Jan 30, 2019 8:33 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am

Safety & Bondage

You to be aware of three major safety issues for Bondage.
They are nerves, circulation, and breathing.

Bondage that is to tight can cause nerve damage that shows up in numbness. Ask if they feel numbness. Use common sense and observe how tight the rope binds them.

In addition, blood circulation can be cut off by bondage that is to tight. Watch for coloration changes in the skin or numbness. The skin will turn cold and a purplish blue.

Chest bondage can cause difficulty in breathing and even more so if the binding is elastic. Also be careful of gags and insure they can breath through their nose. If they become upset breathing through the nose may become difficult. Be aware and don’t leave them alone

Also be aware that some will have a panic attack (claustrophobia). Prepare for it and prepare to take action. Keep safety scissors nearby to cut them free. If you keep someone having a panic attack bound they may hurt themselves and you can rest assured that they will never trust you again.

You don’t overcome a panic attack by keeping them bound.

A note on safety scissors...They have DIFFERENT SIZES..use the RIGHT SIZE for the rope thickness you have. You can find safety scissors (they have a flat part you can put against skin and not cut them,still use care!) at wal marts and other places like a pharmacy or a place that sells medical things,like canes etc. They tend to carry the scissors.

Have fun out there and remember safety first means no injuries later!
Posted:Jan 30, 2019 7:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am

Bondage is about taking control if you are a dominant and losing control or letting go of control if you are a submissive (slave). Bondage can be an important part of slave training or BDSM scene . I t can render a feeling of helplessness to the tied slave . It is a huge turn on for many to have the feeling of helplessness and knowing the other party can do as they will to their body. For some, it is an emotional release that is very calming and restful while some struggle against the binding to feel the loss of control. It is every individualized reaction depending of the slave in bondage. Bondage is a very useful tool that a Master should learn.

It is not necessary to learn the complicated and time-consuming Japanese rope bondage techniques to do a competent job of restricting your slave. Japanese rope bondage often takes hours because it is a process of building on layer after layer of ropes. Good results can often be achieved with a basic knowledge of ropes, a few knots, safety precautions and a good imagination. So practice the basics.

Also, good general bondage can be done with the use of leather wrist and ankle cuffs. It’s much quicker and can be just as secure as ropes. It also takes less skill and is safer for beginners.

Bondage can be used for erotic stimulation, punishment, discipline training, or humiliation. It provides a real life example to the slave of her Master’s ownership of her body, time and space. She is completely at his mercy while bound and remains so until he decides to release her.

Bondage for restraint:
Bondage for pleasure and discipline training. Generally, this type of bondage should be very restrictive in nature. The less movement available to the slave, the better. This allows her to drift of into a subspace or relax into the control.

Predicament bondage:
Predicament bondage is another name for bondage that places the slave in a difficult, unpleasant, or embarrassing situation. It is unusually more than a hogtie, or tying to the bed. It usually involved something added like riding a or a weighted rope pressed against the clit. Pain is often involved but does not necessarily mean it is for punishment. It may be used to push or expand limits.

Bondage for Punishment:
Bondage, used for slave punishment, should be tied less restrictive allowing for some wiggling around, but at the same time, tied in a way that does not allow for escape. The slave can be bound in a position that becomes increasingly more uncomfortable the longer she remains in bondage. You don’t want her drifting off into subspace and enjoying the experience. Also, boredom is a useful element to incorporate into this type of bondage. Simple examples are:

1) Tying a slave to a pole or beam while standing and leaving her legs untied and not blindfolded her. It provides a very limited means of movement but will get very uncomfortable over time. Not having a blindfold will also make it harder for her to drift off into her thoughts and ignore the punishment. Time is an important element of this punishment.

2) Putting her on her knees and tying her hands above her head with her ankles tied to her waist is very effective. This does not allow the slave to stand, but she can still move some. Being bound, bored, alone and uncomfortable is a good teaching tool. This type of bondage also becomes painful over time.
Positive things to say
Posted:Jan 24, 2019 3:04 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am
Change the words around for some of these and you can apply to them to EVERYONE in Y/your life.
Kinky List N/M/Y
Posted:Jan 24, 2019 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am

Kinky List N/M/Y

0=No-3 Maybe 5=Yes

Anal sex
Beating (hands)
Beating (padded clubs)
Being bitten
Being serviced (sexual)
Body paint
Bondage (heavy/suspension)
Bondage (intricate/Japanese style)
Bondage (light)
Butt plugs
Cages (locked inside of)
Chastity belts
Cock rings/straps
Cock worship
Cuffs (leather/metal)
Double penetration
Erotic dancing
Eye contact restrictions
Face slapping
Following orders
Food (cucumbers, sorbet...)
Foot worship
Gags (cloth/tape)
Genital sex
Hair pulling
Hairbrush spankings
Hand jobs (giving)
Hand jobs (receiving)
Head (giving)
Head (receiving)
High heels
Hot waxing
Ice cubes
Leather clothing
Leather restraints
Lingerie (wearing)
Manacles & Irons
Manicures (giving)
Manicures (receiving)
Marks (giving)
Marks (receiving)
Massage (giving)
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and (electrical toy)
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How to accept an apology
Posted:Jan 15, 2019 11:24 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 5:5 am

How to accept an apology

It takes maturity and humility to own up to your mistakes and apologize. It also takes maturity and humility to accept an apology after you’ve been wronged.

Accepting an apology and forgiving someone often doesn’t come easily, but there are ways to go handle such situations with sincerity, mindfulness and grace.

HuffPost spoke to two etiquette experts about the process. Here are five things to keep in mind when someone is offering you an apology.


When someone is apologizing to you, it’s important to give your full attention and try to really hear what the per is saying.

“Let the per speak without interruption,” said Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and the founder of the Protocol School of Texas. Interrupting or criticizing the other per can be tempting, especially if the wounds still feel fresh, but a big first step can be hearing the per out and acknowledging the apology.

“Listening and showing forgiveness does not mean it’s OK. Showing appreciation for the effort doesn’t mean all is forgotten,” she said. “You can say, ‘I appreciate your effort to acknowledge your mistake, but I some time. I hope you will understand.’”

2.Take The Time You

If you time, it’s best to be honest about that. But you can also give it a positive spin, said Lizzie Post, a co-host of the Emily Post Institute’s “Awesome Etiquette” podcast.

“Sincerely say, ‘I really appreciate hearing that. This is something that hit me hard’ or “It really felt awkward between us. still going to a little time to process, but looking forward to when this is behind us,’” she recommended. “Give them that positive hope for the future.”

The “I more time to process” aspect is peral. “It is your own thing. The other per has recognized their faults and taken responsibility and apologized to you for that,” said Post. “So now, however long it takes for you to get over it, it’s something you are working through and to figure out.”

During this time, you can still participate in the friendship or take a break from the everyday interactions for a bit ― whatever works best for you.

3. Attention To Body Language

When you’re hearing someone’s apology, take note of the per’s body language and tone of voice.

“Body language speaks volumes,” said Gottsman. “Watch carefully to decide if the words are sincere. Your intuition will generally tell you if the apology is well intentioned.”

Put simply, apologizing requires effort, and if someone seems apathetic, you probably want to take note.

4.Try To Let It Go

“Try to get it behind you. Don’t let it fester,” Post said. “There are so many things we’ve all done in our lives that we just pray people don’t hold over us. Give your friends breaks when you can.”

If it’s truly the end of a friendship, it’s best to simply say something along the lines of, “I don’t think I can move beyond this. It’s over.” Still, from an etiquette standpoint, it’s best to give people the benefit of the doubt and offer them a second chance, Post said.

Gottsman granted that if something really egregious happened, you don’t have to forgive. “I think it’s a choice, and it’s not always appropriate to accept an apology,” she said.

“But for yourself and your own piece of mind, you have to move on,” she added. “Don’t continue to dwell on it, because if it’s eating you up, it’s toxic.” Moving on is an important part of self-care and may require counseling from a friend or professional or some other kind of help.

“It’s not being selfish. It’s about living your best life, which can’t happen when you’re filled with anger or hate,” Gottsman said. “It doesn’t mean you have to be friends again, but you can accept the effort and go on with your life.”

5.Be Mindful Of Repeat Offenders

“Don’t trust a repeat offender,” said Gottsman. “Let them know you don’t have any intention of sharing another confidence but you will let it go” — for example, for the sake of a family or business relationship.

Mistakes can be forgiven, but multiple offenses for cautiousness.

“If there’s a history and they continue to do it, then at some point in time you become part of the problem because you allow it to continue to happen,” she said. “So you have to draw some clear boundaries.”

You can be honest with the other per and say, “This has become a pattern, and it’s hurtful and uncomfortable. having a trust issue,” Gottsman recommended.

Establishing boundaries and keeping your distance doesn’t have to lead to sarcasm or a falling out, especially if it’s someone in your larger circle of friends. “You can just be pleasant but distant,” Gottsman said.

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