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It's All Relevant

Just A Dominant Not Bruce Wayne
Posted:Jan 17, 2019 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 6:52 pm
So often you see things posted about how Dominants always have their lives in order, amazing careers, are up before the rooster cackles to have an amazing Cross Fit workout, hop into their luxury SUV which carries them into the ‘big city’ where their spacious corner office commands an impressive view and then after the demanding day of bossing around their minions they return home and cook a gourmet dinner. Plus if you believe some of the postings they are regular Bruce Wayne’s and after work all day in the Bat Tower put on their Dom-Batman super spanking suit (Complete with a ‘Bat Belt’ of sexy toys. Deploy Bat Ball Gag!) to bring joy and spankings to all the submissives of lonely Gotham. This would be interesting if this was true but here is the truth about Dominants, we are just like you, often just ordinary people, doing ordinary jobs, working hard, and trying to figure out this thing called life.

Career choice does not define who is or who can be a Dominant. Some Dominants achieve professional success in careers that are lauded and admired, others have mundane careers, they can be business owners, others might be a stay at home parent and yet others might have what could be called the most basic of jobs. A career or job does not define anyone’s ability to be a Dominant in the lifestyle. Charlie the CEO might fancy himself a Dominant but in reality is just a shag bandit while George the garbage man could be an amazing Dominant Gentleman. The thing about how a Dominant makes their living is not related to if they are a good, bad, or half-mad D-type but goes to what a submissive wants and needs in their relationship. Career, lifestyle, and background can be an important part of what makes a connection click and grow but should never be used as a measuring stick for who is or who is not a Dominant.

There is the old saying “Daddy knows best” and while every Dominant is going to believe they know what is best for their submissive, they are not infallible. That’s right, even the greatest and best D-types are going to make mistakes, missteps, and flat out screw up. No doubt if you look around the interwebs a little you will find those who believe that dominance is faultless but do not let yourself be sold any of that poppycock. To me, one of the hallmarks of a leader is the ability to admit errors coupled with the skill of learning from them. A Dominant should never be afraid to admit a mistake, own it, as well as be able to share with their submissive what they have learned when they pulled a boner (always great when you can sneak in a boner reference). In today’s world where nothing is ever anyone’s fault, even car insurance is ‘no fault’, being able to recognize, admit and learn from mistakes is a skill that a Dominant must possess.

Dominance is also not cockiness and does not let over-confidence pass itself off as a form of dominance. Just like every human, every D-type has insecurities and fears (If you are curious about one of mine, just ask me about Shirley Lake express). Dominance is self-effacing because life and this lifestyle can humble you in a second. Confidence is speaking softly while insecurity/cockiness is loud, brash and just obnoxious. So do not let yourself be fooled by those who speak loudly and be wary of the quiet Dominant’s big stick (although that could be fun).

One of those little internet ditties that pop up is a saying or a comment about how one look from a Dominant can tell their submissive a million things. While I do believe that this can be built to, D-types are not minded readers. I know personally that I am not the best at picking up subtle hints submissives are famous for dropping and sometimes I know I need that hint dropped on me like a cartoon character standing under a falling piano! Every relationship from the most vanilla to the kinkiest of lifestyle requires communication. Dialog and investment in each other are what allows a couple to share a million things with just one look. Please do not expect a Dominant to read your mind but communicate so as the relationship builds a look can go from sharing one thought to being able to share a million and one with a glance.

I live in a part of the world where winter doesn’t mean sunny, mid 60’s and the occasional chance of rain. Winter here can be brutally cold, snow falls several inches in an hour, and driving can get intense. One of the hazards of winter driving is a nasty thing called black ice which if you have not had the joy of experiencing it, let me tell you quickly about it. It is when the road has a transparent layer of ice covering it and no matter how observant you are, it cannot be seen. When you hit black ice, it does not matter if you going slower than a tortoise or racing like a hare, nor if you have the latest all-wheel-drive SUV or a trusty car equipped with winter tires the ice will take your vehicle where it wants and how it wants. You are simply along for the ride. Now, this might not seem like it has anything to do with the lifestyle but it is a great metaphor because a Dominant should have their life together before they look to add a submissive partner but life is just like that patch of black ice. Just when you think everything is fine and you are driving down the road, surprise! Dominants are not immune to those black ice in life moments. If you are a submissive and believe that coupling with a Dominant partner will cause life to a beautiful walk in the park where it is sunny and warm every day, know that life does not work like that. Everyone will have patches of black ice when life slides out of control. In fact, it is those times when even the most Domly of Dominants will need to lean on their submissive. Please remember that dominance and control do go hand in hand, life will always hand out those moments when things slide out of control.

There is a famous quote by Marilyn Monroe that says “I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. Often times this quote is used by submissives but it is equally true for Dominants. There are times in everyone’s life when they will be impatient, make mistakes, not fully in control and a handful. It is important to remember that Dominants are not mythical creatures of perfection but flawed humans doing the best we can journeying through life.


*23 Adult Truths *
Posted:Jan 17, 2019 12:25 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 6:52 pm
Interlude - A little hot fiction for a cold winter's day
Posted:Jan 17, 2019 4:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 8:25 pm
“Kneel on the chair, hands against the wall,” I whisper hoarsely in your ear as you stand half naked, back to me, staring dutifully straight ahead. My fingers play through your hair and across your shoulders as you momentarily contemplate your next move.

You step away from me to comply and in so doing feel the warmth of my breath on your neck replaced by the cool air of the room and shudder. From the cold? Anticipation? Perhaps a twinge of separation anxiety at our physical parting? Fear? No, you know there is nothing to be feared here, the trust that has been earned between us is our strongest bond and thus far proven to be unshakable. No, this is unadulterated anticipation. You have no idea what is going to come next, you never really do. But you have every confidence that whatever it might be, no matter how long or difficult the journey, there is always profit and reward from it in the end.

As you kneel on the deeply cushioned chair, knees apart, as I would desire, you reach for the wall, back arched, ass out; presenting yourself to me in precisely the manner you have been taught. It is these small gestures, these little moments of exacting submission that cause my heart to swell the most with pride and desire. You have taken your submission seriously and carry it forth with great devotion and sense of accomplishment. When we are in this place together, your desire to please and be pleasing knows few bounds. While I have worked very hard to earn this submissive desire from you, not a day goes by that I do not feel a profound sense of gratitude to have been chosen to lead you every bit as much as I have chosen you to serve. We are a beautifully matched set as Dominant and submissive.

“Tonight, there will be no bonds, my Muse, beyond the emotions that bind us together; no silk ties, no cuffs, no rope,” I whisper, leaning over you and drawing in your scent through flared nostrils. “Tonight, I want nothing but your will; that beautiful, stunning, powerful will that you exercise each and every time you come to me. You will hold perfectly still my Muse, no matter what. Perfectly still. Is that clear?”

“Yes Sir,” you respond in barely a whisper, shallow breath quickening.

Straightening your hair back over your shoulders, I reach for your hands now pressed firmly against the wall, and ever so slowly trail my fingertips lightly across the backs of them and down your arms. A cascade of imperceptible little shivers rolls down your arms raising the nearly invisible hairs in their wake. I am bringing you to life, waking your body, raising its tempo to match that of your already racing mind. You shiver slightly and sigh in contented anticipation. Continuing their journey, my fingertips trail beneath your arms and along the sides of your beautifully curving breasts still contained in their revealing top. You squirm slightly as they trail down your sides leaving a delicious torment of pleasure and ticklishness in their wake.

“Be still my Muse.”

“Yes Sir,” you respond, head leaning against an upraised arm, eyes closed, lower lip clenched between your teeth.

“You are such a lip biter my Muse. I love that about you,” I whisper in your ear, trailing my hooked fingers back and forth along the top of your silky panties, lowering them ever so lightly with each pass. “Christian Grey is a literary idiot. Bite your lip as much as you like my Muse.” From long experience, I have learned that when you bite your lip, sure as the tides, you will shortly be wet and aching with anticipation.

Lower and lower I ease your panties, gliding the knuckles of my hooked fingers back and forth across the swell of your shapely ass as I do, subtly signaling where I intend to focus my attention this night. You moan as my hands draw back and forth, closer and closer to your sex, your heat radiating against my fingers as they pass. Instinctively you arch further, pressing toward me, exposing yourself to my attention. Another green light. Another welcome sign. A quiet begging for more.

With panties only partially removed I pull my hands away from you and step back to admire the sight before me. You are partially exposed to both my sight and my touch, yet fully available for my every whim. But I choose to leave the panties there, half on, and half off. The press of the satiny material against your hips is a powerful reminder to you of your exposure, sensuality, and vulnerability. I am well aware that by leaving them there, you feel more naked than if I had removed them entirely. They are a marker, a sign of the power I have over you through the submission you grant me.

Bending over, I glide my smooth hands up and down your soft creamy thighs. Up and down from knee to the wisp of the satin draped beneath your sex. Without thought you arch and press, leaning into me.


“Be still my Muse,” I chide, the single stinging slap to your inner thigh racing like a lightning bolt to your already throbbing clit. “Your instructions are not to move.”

“Yes Sir, I am sorry Sir,” you respond gasping at the shock of the unexpected slap.

Slowly I drag my fingernails across the quivering skin of your legs from the crease of your knee higher and higher across the rounded mounds of your ass and back down the sides of your legs. Repeat. Over and over again. Expanding my reach. Covering your legs, inner thighs, ass and hips with red trail marks from my fingernails. Subtly marking you. Taking my ownership.

Reaching for the back of your neck I plant my nails in your skin and slowly drag them down your back, through the valley of your arch, and across the mountains of your ass. Eight red parallel trails blazed by my fingers. Marking my territory. They will be there for hours on your tender skin…an oddly colorful and pleasant reminder of your ownership and use.

Reaching behind the white satin, I cup your hot sex gently in my curved hand, middle fingertip resting on your swollen hard clit. You start at the unexpected direct contact to your moist lips and struggle to be still as I rest my hand motionlessly there, cupping and cradling you. But after so much anticipation, the motionless touch is more torture than pleasure. Through halting breath, clenched eyes, and bitten lip, you roll your head back and forth instinctively rocking your hips seeking some form of stimulation. But there is no relief. My hand simply rests there moving with you, no relative motion between us.

Your breathing becomes more insistent, more desperate. “Please…” you murmur through clenched teeth.

“Be still my Muse,” I urge softly.

For a moment you try. You become perfectly still. But it cannot last, you are holding your breath to do so. With a gasp of exhaled effort, you renew your rocking and pressing but to no avail. My hand cupped against you simply goes along for the ride providing no satisfaction for your urgent desire.

“Please…Sir….please…” but you receive no verbal reply.

Instead, you feel a stinging slap to your ass delivered by my free hand. The sudden and unexpected sensation ignites a fire across your ass and straight to your throbbing cradled clit. You buck and press anew.

“I said be still!” I command. You freeze for a moment, perhaps in hopes that by doing so you might be rewarded. Or perhaps it is just your desire to please. The reason is of no importance to me though because I know full well it cannot last.

Still cupping your overheated sex in one hand I begin a steady slow rhythm of stinging slaps to your exposed ass with the other. Not so hard as to make you cry out but firm enough to make an impression. Back and forth, left and right, the blows land on your reddening and quivering cheeks. While my other hand stays perfectly motionless over your now soaked lips and throbbing clit, the reaction to each stinging slap is all manner of motion carrying through from your ass to your thighs to your desperately craving sex, in its own way providing the stimulus you have so craved.

One after another the rhythmic spanking continues and as it does you rock your hips back and forth, forward and back in an ever-increasing tempo of excitement, arousal, and desperation. You are rolling and undulating beneath me, all sound and motion, ass and head swaying this way and that. And all the while my hand rests against you, cradling you, as you drench my fingers in your dew. Your breath comes in shallower gasps and a sheen of perspiration breaks out across your skin.

“Oh, God! Sir, please don’t stop…” you moan through halting breath.

But I do. As suddenly as it began, the spanking stops. You remain there, swaying and bucking, panting with desire and need, desperate for relief and release. Then you suddenly catch yourself, straighten and do your best to remain still knowing that this is the only viable path through this obstacle course.

My now soaked hand still rests against your sex, lovingly and tenderly holding you. Yet that is not at all what you want. You crave motion. Sensation. More. Much more. Endlessly more at this moment. Anything but stillness.

Resolutely and with a deep breath you straighten your head, stare ahead at the wall, stiffen your back and replant your knees. A reset. Trying anew. For it is only by following direction that you receive a reward. You know this. I know this. It is both the game we play and the lessons we learn.

My hand cradles you. It is our only contact. As your breathing begins to settle into a more regular pattern you begin to drift. Mesmerized. Meditative almost. A calm drifts over you and the desperation begins to leave, replaced by a glow like the warm sun on a cool spring day. You bathe in the sensations that wash over and through you. The heat in your ass, the stinging fingernail trails down your back and up your inner thighs. You become hypersensitive and aware of every part of your body. Your mind is empty of thought and there is nothing but sensation. Wetness. Heat. Stinging. Throbbing. You remain still and statuesque in the mutual silence and stillness. Hand to sex, our sole connection. Still. Connected. Together, yet apart. You close your eyes and bathe in the sensation.

Almost imperceptibly, my soaked fingertips begin to move…

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013

Posted:Jan 16, 2019 9:59 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 7:10 am
“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her… that moment she is never more beautiful to me.”

~ The Marquis de Sade
That Moment.
Posted:Jan 16, 2019 4:45 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2019 1:28 pm
When a woman strips herself bare of not only the clothes that cover her body but also the shackles of a lifetime of conditioning and insecurities, finds the strength to kneel before another and ask to be taken, it is truly the most powerful moment in a BDSM relationship. Oh, there are many, many other powerful moments and experiences, and I routinely feel a sense of awe and gratitude as she continues to find new ways to display her submission and desire to learn and grow. But none for me can compare to the power, majesty, humility, and grace that I feel when the right woman holds out her trembling hand and heart and asks to be taken.

~ chris-pr-ds
Posted:Jan 15, 2019 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 6:38 am
Sadness is best when it lands on you with a tremendous thud. Brings you to your knees and drains you of all the tears you didn’t even know were locked up inside you. Little pangs of sadness are just annoying like a paper cut or a mosquito bite. To learn and find growth, sadness needs to be heavy.

— daily-esprit-descalier
Posted:Jan 14, 2019 7:23 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2019 12:32 pm
Never enough; always wanting, deeply craving, incapable of being satisfied.

When we are together we cannot stop. We cannot keep our hands to ourselves. We cannot keep our bodies separated. We cannot force our thoughts away from one another. A desperate aching need for more.

Does this mean we are unfulfilled? Not at all. We are simply hedonists in our world of one another. A desperate paradox; continually fulfilled yet forever craving. Addicts of our own desire. More…always more…of you.


Caption © For The Love of a Sub, 2012
Dominant Traits – A submissive’s Checklist
Posted:Jan 14, 2019 8:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2019 1:22 am
What do you look for in a Dom? Do you really know what Dominance is? Have you ever seriously asked yourself these questions and have you ever actually sat down and made a list of the things you require from a Dom in order to make the most of your submission? My guess is that you have not or if you have it was a cursory look at best. Many submissives simply allow themselves to be swept along, for better or worse, in the currents of a Dom’s river and do not give much thought to what it is they truly need to flourish in their submissiveness. The answers, while different for everyone, may surprise you and likely have little or nothing to do with the images and stories seen on the Net.

Here is a short list of traits I have heard stated by various submissives that have given this considerable thought. It is by no means all-encompassing, and each person requires something different. I am sure there are many others but this might provide food for thought as you set about contemplating this for yourself.

Who Does a submissive Need?

** Someone who is in control of his or her own life and whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by

** Someone who displays honesty and integrity in other aspects of their life

** Someone who, despite their dominant tendencies, displays kindness, caring, and compassion for others who have nothing to offer them

** Someone who is emotional, physically and intellectually stronger yet remains open, accessible and respectful

** Someone who has sufficient life experience, knowledge, and wisdom to be a mentor and teacher

** Someone who exerts their will over, and for the benefit and well being of, a submissive and the well being of the relationship

** Someone who demands nothing less than the best effort in all a submissive does

** Someone who uses a submissive as a tool and canvas to quench their darkest desires

** Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security

** Someone who communicates and maintains well-defined boundaries regarding accepted behavior

** Someone who has the courage, to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative

** Someone who dedicates himself or herself to studying the craft of BDSM and makes the D/s relationship a priority in their life

** Someone who enjoys leadership and thrives on being the one in control

** Someone who will make their submissive feel valued, treasured, and needed

** Someone who provides and promotes discipline

** Someone who readily communicates precisely what needs doing in order to be the best for them and satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise

** Someone who relishes pushing sensual and sexual boundaries taking their submissive to new levels and greater heights of sensation and experience

** Someone who is inquisitive enough to want to understand the needs and boundaries of a submissive

** Someone who will respect boundaries and limits without question or concern for personal safety

** Someone whose interests, boundaries, and limits is largely compatible with their submissive

** Someone who wants to be in a D/s relationship every bit as much as the submissive

I encourage you to ponder these points, come up with your own list of needs and compare them to your Dom or any prospective Dom you may be contemplating serving. Do they have what it takes to be a good Dom for you? Will your needs be met by this person? Are they the one who will be best able to draw out and make the most of your submission?

Take the time and make the effort to assess your needs and find someone who can best meet them and your D/s journey will be far more rewarding than it might otherwise be.

~ For The Love of a Sub

Caption © For The Love of a Sub, 2012
Know your worth~
Posted:Jan 14, 2019 2:38 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 12:13 pm

In this day and age, is 24/7 truly possible? Are BDSM dynamics moments in time?
Posted:Jan 10, 2019 7:35 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2019 3:06 am
Or is 24/7 A State Of Mind?

I love this topic, as it has so many layers and angles!

First, in this day and age, is 24/7 truly possible? I think before that can be answered one has to define what is meant by 24/7. Interestingly, in contemporary society, it seems to have different meanings to different people, which is possibly why there has been a movement towards using other phraseology instead. For many, there are but two types of dynamics - bedroom only, or 24/7. Bedroom only, of course, indicates a dynamic in which the dominance and submission is limited to kinky playtime, whereas 24/7 would, by process of elimination, include everything else.

To the extent 24/7 is intended to refer to those face-to-face dynamics that occur outside the bedroom, and encompass a live-in, M/s or D/s full-service type of arrangement, I would argue that while they are possible, they are much less common than they might have been in generations past. A contemporary lifestyle, combined with the aberrant mutation of feminism into its current form have created an environment unwelcoming to this style dynamic.

If, instead 24/7 is used to refer to a dynamic that extends beyond the bedroom, but consumes the waking hours of both participants, again, is it common or uncommon? Absent the extraordinarily rare occasion where parties might be of such means that they have no need to work, a portion, if not a significant portion, of one’s day is consumed by career. Unless the participants work together (and/or in a kink environment), how do those hours calculate into the 24?

For that matter, what of those relationships that have limited time together, and yet for whom they never drop protocol or rules,and the participants are always “on”? Are they considered 24/7? Or not, simply because they are not constantly together?

Significant challenges, unanswerable questions, all a result of terminology, Master. (I’ll be back to that point later)!

So momentarily forgetting the 24/7 question, let’s look at the next one… is a BDSM dynamic a moment in time? I had to catch myself… I kept trying to write “merely a moment in time”. In my opinion, a dynamic is no more a moment in time than our lives are merely a collection of moments in time.

Now there are multiple ways you might have meant your question - two in particular that jump out to me: (1) an entire dynamic is to be seen as a single moment in time, or (2) a dynamic is a collection of moments of time… a sum of the parts. I tend toward the latter interpretation. But I presume that is, to a degree, a reflection of the way I approach this life. I’m well-aware that there are many out there (we encountered many in the task group) who made it a habit of experiencing a plethora of different Doms or subs, in which case, I expect a dynamic would be a single moment in time for those people. But for me, and for most of the people I’ve met since, the bond formed through a dynamic, the intensity of the connection, the longevity (intended, if not achieved) would clearly point to the latter definition.

And so is a dynamic (merely) a moment in time (a single or collection of individual moments)? Or alternatively, is it more… the sum of those parts? Something bigger, more significant? I would argue it is more than merely a collection of individual, disconnected moments - the evolution of the dynamic and the participants being the evidence of that fact. Were it merely a compilation of disjointed moments in time, lacking in significance, dynamics would not result in consistent or continued growth, instead growth would be dependent on each individual’s growth history and tendencies outside a dynamic.

So, alternatively, is 24/7 a state of mind? This is where it gets fun! Several months ago, @asubmissiveview and @instructor144 both from @the-faculty , had an interesting conversation that resulted in a grassroots movement on Tumblr to abandon the “24/7” locution, instead replacing it with something more encompassing of the variety of styles of non-bedroom dynamic.

I would argue first, that “24/7” is more a state of mind than a state of the clock or calendar. Even for someone living out their dynamic, face-to- face, even someone like greyhound (she’s the most extreme I can think of), is it truly 24/7 by the clock? Is every minute, every second, every day truly dedicated by both greyhound and her owner wholly to the dynamic? In that singular case, the answer is probably the closest to “yes” that one can get, while in most cases, I would argue that people are busy - sleeping, working, with family. Don’t misunderstand me, that’s not to say that those who are not living that style aren’t “24/7” - but rather that the assessment shouldn’t necessarily be based on time. Nor, I would argue, should it be a function of location. No. 24/7 is clearly a function of something more, a state of being. When the participants in a dynamic are engaged, upholding their rules and protocol, maintaining the underpinnings of the power exchange even amidst the chaos that normal vanilla life can create, their mindset can be likened to someone living a 24/7 by the clock. And in that vein, if it’s a function of mindset or state of being, then location would have no bearing on whether someone is “24/7”.

This brings me back to linguistics. In @instructor144’s post, he proposes a shift from “24/7” to “full spectrum”, citing two specific advantages to specifying one’s D/s dynamic in this manner:

“1. It makes explicit that the relationship encompasses the full spectrum of the things we mean when we speak of “D/s”: the ongoing daily contact, the rules and responsibilities, the tasks, protocols, mantras, the ongoing power exchange, and the ongoing commitment by both partners to support the other in becoming the best “them” they can be. It shifts the focus away from the kinky fuckery and onto all those other aspects of D/s.

“2. But – and this is every bit as important as #1 – it does not allude to any particular “shape” to the relationship, the way many of the implications of “24/7″ do. Does it account for 24/7 IRL domestic relationships? Yes. But it also accounts for LDRs and mixed-mode LDR/IRL relationships. It accounts for relationships that are understood by both partners to be time-bound. The only commonality – and the defining characteristic that distinguishes it from “bedroom D/s” – is that it incorporates all of those non-sexual aspects of D/s that are absent from bedroom D/s relationships. The relationship is …. wait for it …. full spectrum.”

Given the complexities of various dynamics, the vast differences in interpretation, and the failure of “24/7” to truly address and define many dynamics in a way that is commonly understood, I am in favor of making the shift to “full spectrum” as a more favorable classification.

So, now to circle back to your questions again, Master. They are so intertwined! If a dynamic is a mindset, as I propose, not merely a moment in time, then without question, “24/7” is not only possible in this day and age, we are living it!

© reflectedtruthsblog 2019

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