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D/s Basic Grammar 101
Posted:Jun 26, 2019 7:27 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2019 1:38 am
A lot: to a great degree or extent; “They had a lot of sex toys and planned to use every single one of them.”

Alot: not a word; “No matter how hard people try to prove otherwise, ‘alot’ is not a word and simply highlights a lack of formal education.”

Allot: to assign as a share or portion; “The owner decided to allot each girl her own quarters while waiting for the auction”; “They were each allotted two minutes on stage to impress the prospective buyers.”

Lots: plural of ‘lot’; a piece of land that is or could be used for building something or for some other purpose; “They said we’d be filming on one of the back lots, but the only thing out there is an old gynecological table and a cart covered with clothespins… oh…”; absolutely not an indicator of quantity or abundance; “Whenever I hear a girl say she had ’lots’ of fun I want to punch her in the boob.”

Affect: almost always a verb; to influence or cause; “His gaze affected me - and my undies - greatly.”

Effect: a noun; the result of; “The effect of his gaze was apparent by the damp spot I left on the cushion.”

(Note: ‘a’ comes before ‘e’ - what is 'affecting’ causes or results in the 'effect’! “You are affecting me - I feel the effects.”)

Cue: a signal prompting an event or action; “His little pet rolled over on cue, just as she’d been taught”; “Upon seeing the size of his fingers, I thought ’Cue immediate wetness!’”

Queue: a line of people waiting for something or a sequence of messages held in temporary storage; “The queue to watch the gang bang went all the way around the block”; “I need to add more lesbian pussy licking images to my Tumblr queue.”

Dominant: the dominant partner in a dominant-submissive relationship; of, or relating to, the exertion of dominance; biologically more prominent, powerful, or more successful; “Her dominant dealt with even the slightest sign of disobedience with swift correction”; “He carried the dominant genes for brown eyes and dark hair.”

Dominate: to control, govern, or rule by superior authority or power (a 'what’ not a 'who)’; “He didn’t need to touch her to dominate her; his mere presence took her breath away”; “The inexperienced dominant kept referring to himself as a ’dominate,’ thereby ensuring he would never engage with an experienced submissive woman.”

Envy: when you want something someone else has; requires two parties; “I always feel a smidge of envy when I see her whip-marked thighs.”

Jealousy: when you’re afraid someone else will get something you already have; requires three parties; “She’d thought a threesome was a grand idea, but suddenly felt jealous when her husband kissed the girl.”

(Note: You feel envy in regards to something you don’t have but want; you feel jealousy in regard to something you already have but are afraid of losing.)

Farther: implies a measurable distance; “He led her on all fours down the rocky path, telling her it was only a little bit farther. Then he laughed and laughed and laughed.”

Further: reserved for abstract lengths (i.e., not always measurable); “As the whip caressed the tender skin of her breasts, she knew he was about to push her further than he’d ever pushed before.”

(i.e.,): in other words; “When my Owner gave me the new list of house rules, I was completely discombobulated (i.e., confused).”

(e.g.,): for example; “The most important rule was that I will never be late - unless there was a valid rea (e.g., family emergency).”

It’s: a contraction of 'it is’ (if you can’t substitute 'it is’ you can’t use 'it’s’); “It’s such a pity that you decided to ignore my warning; now it’s the cage all night for you.”

Its: the possessive form of 'it’; “I knew what his cock looked like of course, but I hadn’t experienced all of its tricks until that night.”

Lay: a transitive verb; requires a subject and at least one object; “He ordered her to lay on the exam table and open her legs”; past tense: “He laid the speculum on the plastic sheeting next to the other… tools.”

Lie: an intransitive verb; requires no object; “Her bratty antics lie somewhere between adorable and 'Grab your ankles, NOW’”; past tense: “She lay waiting, breathless, for the exam to begin.” (Not to be confused with the transitive form.)

Loose: rhymes with ‘moose’; an adjective; the opposite of tight or contained; ”I used to think fisting would make my lady loose as a goose, but she bounced right back!”

Lose: rhymes with ‘snooze’; a verb meaning to misplace or suffer the loss of; “Nothing makes me lose my undies faster than a confident man.”

Peak: a real or metaphorical high point; a maximum, or to achieve a maximum; “The peak of the evening was the human chandelier; when the curtains parted, the roar of the crowd was astonishing.”

Peek: to glance quickly or look furtively; “I had to peek through my fingers when I realized how the participants were suspended.”

Pique: to provoke or arouse; “It was a magnificent sight, but did nothing to pique my interest in suspension .”

’s: apostrophe /s/; used to show possession, not plural; “The girl’s demeanor was rather ish, but she sucked cock like a seaed pro.”

-s: plural /s/; used to indicate more than one of something; “The girls met after work to drink margaritas and compare bruises in the restroom.”

Then: relates to time; “I’m going to kneel then suck your cock; then probably get paddled for being bossy and presumptuous.”

Than: comparative adjective or adverb; introduces a compari; “Your cock is much bigger than his, I swear.”

There: used to represent a place or show that something exists; “And right over there is where he spanked me until I cried”; “You know there is something there when a mere glance makes you drop to your knees.”

Their: used to show possession (try replacing with 'our’; if 'our’ makes sense, you can use 'their’); “Their cum mixed together in a swirl of passion, and then leaked into her underwear all damn day.”

They’re: a contraction of 'they are.’ (If you can’t substitute 'they are’ then you can’t use 'they’re’); “They’re the nicest group of guys a girl could ever hope to service.”

To: used to indicate the per, place, or thing that someone or something moves toward; to indicate the direction of something; the purpose, intention, tendency, or result of; “When we got to the club, Sir asked if I wanted to on the stage.”

Too: in addition to or also; more than is wanted, needed, accepted, etc.; to a high degree or extent; “When we got to the club, Sir asked if I wanted to on the stage… but I was way too shy. There were too many people watching!”

Two: More than one but less than three. C'mon now.

That: refers to groups or things; “He has the kind of hands that make my sheets damp.”

Who: refers to people;“I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t go down on me.”

Whom: an object of a verb or preceding preposition; too hard to explain without multiple examples, so here’s a quick cheat: Like 'whom,’ the pronoun 'him’ ends with an /m/. When you’re trying to decide whether to use 'who’ or 'whom,’ ask yourself if the answer to the question would be 'he’ or 'him.’ If the answer is 'him,’ use 'whom’; “Who did you blow last night? Him? Oh, I’m sorry, I meant whom did you blow…”

Your: second per possessive adjective, used to describe something as belonging to someone (i.e., usually followed by a noun); “Your cock is much bigger than his. I already said that.”

You’re: a contraction of 'you are.’ (If you can’t substitute 'you are’ then you can’t use 'you’re’); “You’re seriously telling me you don’t know this rule by now?”
Posted:Jun 25, 2019 12:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2019 1:21 pm

Getting Older...
Posted:Jun 24, 2019 10:39 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2019 6:32 am

Twenty Years of Kink
Posted:Jun 24, 2019 8:33 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
I don’t remember the day or even the month, but I remember the feeling vividly. I was wandering aimlessly, searching everything and nothing, then all of a sudden there it was. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The things they were saying were things I’d thought, things I wanted, things I was too embarrassed to admit to anyone. And here they were - men and women - talking about those feelings I had, one darker than the next, and giving it - all of it - a name.


Dominance and submission.

I started reading and couldn’t stop. I flitted from room to room, watching the conversations roll by, the experiences people shared with me and other anonymous faces behind a screen. They were open and honest and raw. I don’t know how much time passed before I took an effective breath, but with it came the realization I was not alone. I was not a freak. What I wanted - no, what I needed - was something other people wanted and needed, as well.

was 20 years ago. Now I look back and cringe quite often, but I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. I have a lot of ‘If I knew then what I know now…’ moments, but I wouldn’t go back and do it again, because you have to go through it to learn it. You just do. Because your track is different than the next per’s, and to learn what you need to learn takes living it yourself.

So what do twenty years teach you? Here are some things I’ve learned:

*Not everyone likes the spotlight; it’s ok to live D/s very privately
*It’s ok to make things like rope bondage and tickling hard limits; it’s ok to make anything a hard limit
*Dominants can use a safeword or otherwise stop an activity
*You can be the one to walk away; you don’t have to be ‘released’ from shit
*Liars and cheaters will always lie and cheat
*Moving quickly rarely leads to longevity
*Your gut is never wrong; listen to it
*It’s ok to not look like a fetish model; most people don’t
*Sex can feel good even without orgasming
*Squirting orgasms are a bit of a parlor trick, and they don’t always feel as good as other types of orgasms
*You deserve as much pleasure as he does
*If the effort isn’t there, in the beginning, it never will be
*You can kneel in slip-on Converse just as well as you can in heels
*You can be a kick-ass submissive and not own a single piece of lingerie
*You can defer to someone and respect them as a leader even while watching *Netflix and eating steak nachos with your fingers
*Dominants can get sick and be huge babies and still be worthy of obedience and respect
*Not every Dominant is an executive with an expense account
*Submissives can make more than their partner
*You don’t have to say ‘’ to feel it in your bones
*You can love someone and not be a match
*Toxicity isn’t gender specific
*Wanting to be wanted can lead to seriously poor decision-making
*It’s ok to demand more for yourself; having standards solidifies self-worth
*Strength is a process
*Submission doesn’t cease to exist when you’re single
*Submission doesn’t end when you hit 30 or 50 or 70
*You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do
*You can change your mind
*You can use your voice
*You have to use your voice

Every time I start to think about how things have changed over the years I have to stop and remind myself: Nothing has changed but you. Sometimes I think about 27-year-old, 34-year-old, hell - even 40-year-old, and I cringe. The mistakes she made. The positions (literally and figuratively) she put herself in. How much mental and emotional energy she expended on him. How much she didn’t know.

How much more she still has to learn.

But I’ll tell you what: If the next twenty bring as much joy as the last twenty, I’m in for a helluva ride. And I want all of it - every bump and swoop and whirl. The twists and turns are what make you who you are.

And I’ve learned to like girl.

The Power of No
Posted:Jun 24, 2019 2:40 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2019 9:46 am
The instinct to grant wishes and to be generous to your sub can be hard to go against for some. This is often true for new dominants just learning. It was true for me when I first found kink. She is your good girl. You want to say YES. Truth be told, “yes” is not where the true power lies. To give her everything she wants is to remove the dominant influence over her life. She could give herself permission to entertain every impulse that comes over her, without you. To always say yes, is to make your role as her dominant - superfluous. She may as well be in charge of herself.

She will know who is in charge and be reminded of her place and her choices when you tell her NO. Saying no makes you her check and balance. Saying no sometimes is what she wants you to do.

When you tell her no, make it at appropriate times. To say no simply because you have the power to do so is disrespectful of the power she’s given you and gives the impression you don’t know what to do with that power. To say no at appropriate times, when it matters, will inform her of what you think is important for her life. It will show her how you love her, and how much you care about the thing that is getting the no.

When that opportunity to reaably deny her presents itself, don’t let it pass you by. Give her the rea she put you in charge and the gift of guidance. It is both your responsibility and your role.

Sunday Vinyl
Posted:Jun 23, 2019 2:33 pm
Last Updated:Jun 24, 2019 9:07 pm
* Every Picture Tells A Story ~ Rod Stewart ~ Every Picture Tells A Story
* Fade Away ~ The Revivalists ~ The Revivalists
* Cold Cold Heart ~ Norah Jones ~ Come Away With Me
* Franklins Tower ~ Grateful Dead ~ Blues For Allah
* Truth Hurts ~ ~ Lizzo ~ Cuz I Love You
* Picture In A Frame ~ Tom Waits ~Mule Variations
* Big Eyed Fish ~ Dave Matthews Band ~ Busted Stuff
* Thaumblelina ~ The Pretenders ~ Learning To Crawl
* Highway Tune ~ Greta Van Fleet ~ From The Fires
* The Beautiful Ones ~ Prince ~ Purple Rain

Happy Sunday~
Your best kiss ever?
Posted:Jun 21, 2019 3:57 am
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2019 6:07 pm
Mine starts off like this... My best friend at the time is working in Colorado for a few weeks. While he's gone I start to have these "feelings" about him that I've never felt before. He returns from his trip and stops by my place for a beer.,When he arrives, I run up to him, jump into his arms and hug him so tight (which had never happened before) We proceed into my place and he spins me around, with one hand on the small of my back, and the other under my chin, he says"I've been waiting forever to do this" and kisses me so deeply that I actually see stars.
Something strange happens when your best friend kisses you, you fall deeply in love. That kiss lasted between three hours and fif years long. A spell was cast over me. When I came across this photo this morning I thought about that moment, before the kiss....

So, when was the last time someone kissed you until you saw stars?

Happy Friday~
The nearness of….
Posted:Jun 20, 2019 5:13 am
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2019 3:31 pm
Breathe in, breathe out. Simple really. Though it felt like I stopped hours ago and i wasn’t sure I could remember how to start again.

my fingers had lingered in that same spot for a while now, could have been days for all I knew. Exactly where he’d left them.

The need was ebbing and flowing, mostly flowing and mostly between my legs, the thought of his words sent a fresh pulse through my sex and I couldn’t stifle a moan.

He hadn’t said anything about sounds, so the whimper that followed was surely just fine. Except it didn’t feel fine really. It felt so very frustrating.

my feet were tempted to move too, well they would, except they were being more disciplined.

It was my fingers who suffered the most, needed to move so badly and it wasn’t far either. Could almost feel their closeness against my swollen flesh, could almost feel them touch me where I needed it.

Almost. Felt the heat and moisture build so close, cunt clenching aimlessly, clit reaching out to my own hand that wasn’t going anywhere.

Could sense my own arousal, my fingertips lying so close to where they wanted to stroke, and yet they wouldn’t move. Yet.

It seemed my brain couldn’t even get them to, no matter how I tried.

They wouldn’t move. Until he said so

© words: cat / be-pleasing-always
Posted:Jun 20, 2019 4:15 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2019 5:16 am
Words, I think, are such unpredictable creatures. No gun, no sword, no army or king will ever be more powerful than a sentence. Swords may cut and kill, but words will stab and stay, burying themselves in our bones to become corpses we carry into the future, all the time digging and failing to rip their skeletons from our flesh.

~ Uknown
Domination & submission ...A Power Exchange Relationship.
Posted:Jun 19, 2019 2:26 am
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2019 8:18 pm
If anyone were to ask what 'Dominance and submission' is, they'd receive almost as many answers as people who practice it. Simply stated, though, most would agree that D/s consists of a consensual relationship that is based around a power exchange between two people. One per is the controlling one, known as the Dominant; the other per is the controlled one and is known as the submissive (note that 'Dominant' is usually capitalized and that 'submissive' is not). The submissive gives a certain amount of 'power' to the Dominant over their lives. This can be as simple as the Dominant telling them what to wear each day or can be as complex as them having to ask the Dominant for permission to even leave the room. The important thing to note here is that we are talking about consensual relationships. The rights of the submissive are not taken from them, they are given freely during a period of negotiation.

Total Power Exchange

Arguably, the 'pinnacle' of D/s relationships is a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship, where the submissive gives up all control to the Dominant. Total means just that. The Dominant controls every aspect of their lives from what they wear or eat, to where they go and who they see. There are many that claim to have this, but this Researcher has seen few real examples. It should be emphasized that this is only arguably the pinnacle of D/s relationships. The other side of the coin is that every D/s relationship is just as good no matter how much power is exchanged.

Some Terms

Before we go too much further, let's define a few terms that exist within the D/s lifestyle:

• Dominant - The per who has been given some amount of control over the
submissive. Other terms describing them are Dom and Domme.

• submissive - The per who gives some amount of control to the Dominant. Other terms describing them are sub, pet, and slave.

• D/s - Dominance and submission. A power exchange relationship.

• Lifestyle - Generally those that practice D/s are part of 'the lifestyle'. It doesn't mean anything, it's just a descriptive term.

• Vanilla - a non-D/s relationship.

• 24/7 - Living a D/s relationship 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To put it another way, you are always in a power exchange relationship.

• Scene - The best way to describe this is to think of a 'scene' from a movie. This is one interaction between a Dom and a sub. It doesn't have to be sexual; all that is required is that a power exchange has taken place. Those not in a 24/7 relationship tend to have 'scenes' where the power exchange happens. Even those in 24/7 relationships can have scenes, where the exchange becomes deeper.

• Top - A per who Dominates for only a scene. If you think of it as a 'one night stand' in the D/s lifestyle you wouldn't be quite correct, but it's a good start. This doesn't mean that the Top is a 'Dominant', just that the dominate for the one scene.

• bottom - A per who is submissive for only a scene. This does not mean the per is always a submissive, just that they are submissive for the scene. See 'Top'.

• Switch - Someone who switches between the Dominant and submissive roles.

• Safewords - These are words that are used by either Dom or sub to slow down, or stop a scene. Having negotiated a safeword is very important. It means that if something is happening that makes either per uncomfortable, they can either back off a little or stop.

A Few Myths

Let's look at what a D/s relationship isn't.

D/s Isn't about Abuse
Though the point has already been made it's important to emphasize that this article is about a consensual power exchange. Whatever happens to the sub, whatever demands are made of them, they have agreed to this. If they haven't, if they never asked for this, or they don't want this, then it's an abusive relationship and is not the kind of relationship covered by this entry.

submissives Aren't always Women
If your image of a submissive is a woman, no matter how she's dressed, think again. There are a great number of male submissives out there.

submissives Aren't Weak
If someone has to have someone else run their lives for them they must be weak, right? Wrong. Many submissives are quite powerful people outside their D/s relationship: lawyers, managers, business people, police, soldiers and so on. For some, being submissive in the home, or merely in the bedroom, is a way of escaping from the normal pressures of being in charge.

D/s Isn't about Kinky Sex
Sure, D/s couples often have kinky sex. Then again, vanilla couples often do too. What defines a D/s relationship has very little to do with the methods used, so much as the power exchange. A simple 'no' when a sub asks if they can have a drink can have as much 'power' as getting them to kneel.

Entering a D/s Relationship
When two people are about to enter a D/s relationship, the first step is a negotiation. This is a period where no power exchange occurs but is a discussion where the parameters of the relationship are discussed. How much power will the Dominant have over the submissive? What hard limits do both have; that is, to what activities are one or both opposed? What will be the safewords? What will be the period of the relationship?
Often after negotiation, a contract is drawn up, setting out all of the parameters discussed. In this way, there can be no misunderstandings.

In most Western marriages, the symbols of the marriage are the wedding rings worn by the happy couple. You can probably think of a collar meaning a similar thing to a wedding ring, although in a D/s relationship it's more common for only the sub to wear a collar to show that they are owned by or bound to a Dom.
Collars come in all shapes and sizes, from a leather collar that is remarkably similar to that worn by pets, to elegant necklaces that could be worn at the classiest society ball. A collar is a symbol and is therefore as individual as the Dominant and submissive within the D/s relationship.

Why on Earth Would you Go through all This?
It seems a D/s relationship is an awful lot of work, doesn't it? Negotiation, contracts, safewords before you even get to the relationship itself. Yes, it is a lot of work, but the rewards can be worth it.

At this point, it should be noted that a D/s relationship is not for everyone. Most relationships, even vanilla ones, contain power exchanges. In some relationships, one partner is always Dominant, in other relationships whoever is Dominant changes almost constantly. That, however, doesn't mean that the whole relationship should become a D/s one. Some couples only practice D/s in the bedroom, others in the home, others all the time and some never.

Like all relationships, good communication is needed to keep a D/s relationship on track. The difference here is that it is essential to the success of a D/s relationship. The basis of a D/s relationship is trust. This is not just the trust that neither partner will cheat, but the sort of deep trust where the partners will trust each other with their lives. For the submissive, they need to trust the Dominant with their physical and mental health; to trust that the Dominant will guide and protect them. For the Dominant this means trusting that the submissive is totally truthful with them, giving them all the information they need to make good decisions.

As the communication flows more freely and the trust grows, the entire relationship becomes deeper and more fulfilling. This also applies to a vanilla relationship, but there isn't necessarily the same impetus to keep communication flowing.

Traps and Pitfalls
The submissive gives power to the Dominant. This means the submissive can open themselves to abuse. This risk can be lessened by keeping the following in mind. They're not bad guidelines for vanilla relationships either:

• Don't trust too easily. Trust is earned. Before giving someone power over you, make sure they can be trusted. Take time to learn about the per.
• Go slowly. Don't be impatient for it all to happen at once. Take it in small steps.
• Be honest. Don't say things just to please your partner. If you don't like something or are unsure, say so. By the same token, if you like it a lot, say so.
• If there is the smallest hint of abuse, back off. No matter how good your partner is in other areas, if they are abusive, leave. Sometimes we do hurt others by mistake, but if there is obvious abusive behavior, either mental or physical, then leave.
• Remember that everyone is human, and thus can make mistakes. Don't let a mistake ruin the relationship. Instead, talk about it openly, and try to learn something from it to help the relationship grow.

- Author unknown

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