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It's All Relevant

This is a Blog about This and That.

Dear Diary 2020 Edition:
Posted:Jul 2, 2020 6:10 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 2:49 pm
In January, Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out because we straight up almost went to war with Iran. We might actually still be almost at war with them. I don’t know, because Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an award show and everyone flipped the fuck out, but then Netflix released Cheer and everyone fell in love with Jerry, but then there was a thing happening in China, then Prince Harry and Megan placed out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial, and then coronavirus showed up in the US “officially,” but then Kobe died and the UK placed out of the European Union

In February, Iowa crapped itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House took ten years to rip up a speech, but then WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and Americans started asking if Corona beer was safe to drink, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor who just knew the flu-like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, shit hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust, but then Italy shut its whole ass down, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a pandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in the US, but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just the flu, but then COVID Not 18 was like you're not taking me seriously? I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, but then the DOW took a shit on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing(I still don’t), but then we were all introduced to Tiger King. (Carol totally killed her husband), and Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross.

In April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race, but then NYC because the set of The Walking Dead and we learn that no one has face masks, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE GOD DAMN SWIFTER WET JET LIQUID, but then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life… or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released videos of UFOs, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In May, the biblical end-times kicked off historical locust swarms and then we learned of murder hornets and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games but people forgot to let us know, but then people legit protested lockdown measures with AR-15s, and then sports events were canceled everywhere, But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city, but then people totes forgot about the pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, but then people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing, and a dead whale was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest after monkeys stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid narrowly missed earth.

In June, science and common sense just got thrown straight out the window and somehow wearing masks became a political thing, but then a whole lot of people realized the south was actually the most unpatriotic thing ever and actually lost the civil war, and there is a large amount of people who feel that statues they don’t even know the name of are needed for … history reasons, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a god given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution), but then scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio single coming from somewhere in the universe that repeats itself every so many days, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH. IT, but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shutdown, and so far, things have gone spectacularly not that great, but everyone is on Facebook arguing that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works, but then Florida was like hold my beer and let me show you how we’re number one in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Corona Virus, Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court to shut down Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert, which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud, but then I learned of meth-gators, and I'm like that is so not on my fucking 2020 Bingo card, but then we learned that the Congo's worse ever Ebola outbreak is over, and we were all like, there was an ebola outbreak that was the worse ever?

In July…. Aliens? Zeus? Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self-aware?


Author : Unknown
Cool Humor
Posted:Jul 2, 2020 4:06 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 2:52 pm
The Wrong Person
Posted:Jul 2, 2020 2:57 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 11:35 am
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for? You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, This is the problem I want to have.

— Galway Kinnell
~The Ache
Posted:Jul 1, 2020 7:41 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 3:07 am
~I ache for her. My heart bleeds invisible rivers whenever I can’t run my hands through her hair, slide my lips over her skin. My soul cracks a little every time she leaves. I’m addicted not only to her but to the pain of craving her. It’s an all-consuming obsession. It drives me to the brink of insanity and yet I don’t think I could live a single day without feeling this way. Yes, I ache for her, because she’s my lifeblood.”

Copyright © Dirty Romantic - Tales of Love, Lust & Loss
~The Spanking
Posted:Jul 1, 2020 4:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 3:08 am

My little pretender
Posted:Jun 30, 2020 5:00 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2020 2:57 pm
Don’t put on an act for me. You know it won’t work. You try and play coy and want me to believe you’re straight-laced. I knew who you were deep down the moment I met you. I saw right through you. I could tell you wanted to keep it from me but nature is nature. Eventually, it makes its way to the surface.

You say you don’t like it nasty. You claim you’re not that kind. Well, if that’s the case, then why are your pretty panties soaked? Why do your nipples look like they want to tear through your top? Why do you keep staring at the bulge in my pants with an open mouth?

You don’t have to keep up appearances with me or hide the fact that you want to be filthy for me. You know very well that I’ll have you choking on my cock soon. That my hands will bruise your flesh. That your pussy will ache after I’m done with it.

You can keep acting like a prim and proper lady if you want. That won’t deter me. In fact, I quite like it. It makes turning you into a desperate and begging little slut even more fun. I can see how simply saying those words makes you blush and cross your legs.

Your body has betrayed you yet again like we both knew it would. Your panties are a wet mess. Come over here, baby, and give them to me. And then get on your knees. The time for being a lady is over. I want my slut.

Copyright © Dirty Romantic - Tales of Love, Lust & Loss
A Little Pandemic Humor
Posted:Jun 30, 2020 4:21 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2020 4:18 pm
I just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school. He said yes, because they are out of toilet paper.

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.

This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day drinkers…

My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce. Oh, the good times…

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now to collect. They should be at home.

You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and one cough can change your life.

The Ocean
Posted:Jun 29, 2020 5:14 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2020 12:26 pm

Monday Sway~
Posted:Jun 29, 2020 4:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2020 4:00 pm
* Siren ~ Tori Amos ~ Great Expectations
* Girl ~Beck ~ Guero
* Big Eyed Fish ~ Dave Matthews Band~ Crash
* Monkey Man ~ Rolling Stones ~ Let It Bleed
* Too Much ~ Drake ~ Nothing Was The Same
* The Lemon Song ~ Led Zepplin ~ Led Zepplin II
* Damn Good ~ David Lee Roth~ Skyscraper
* Wild World ~ Cat Stevens
* Instant Karma ~ John Lennon ~Power To The People
* Tweeter And The Monkey Man ~ Traveling Wilburys ~Traveling WiburysVol.I

Damn Good
David Lee Roth

Time rolls on
N' that's as it should be
Here and gone
Seems to move so quickly

Man, we was happy
In our restless hearts
It was heaven Right here on earth
Yeah, we were laughin'
As we reached for the stars
And we had some
For what it was worth

Those were good times
Damn good times
Those were good times
Damn good times

Hey, take a look at this picture,
Can you believe that was you?
And who's that standin' there in the corner?
Not me!
Ah, the crazy things we used to do
Sure, we was acting like a couple of
Good to remember
You know that it is
I still feel it
Like the sun on my skin
Maybe that's better

Cause these are good times
Damn good times
Talkin' about good times
Damn good times

So it's one for the money
But that don't make the show
Count to and I'll be ready
follow that road (yes I will)

I see it comin'
Yeah, and this one is ours
We got heaven right here on Earth
Ain't nothin' like it
When you're reachin' for stars
And you grab one
For what it is worth

You can tell 'em
We'll be having good times
Damn good times
I'm talkin' good times (yes sir)
Damn good times
Posted:Jun 27, 2020 6:49 am
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2020 3:58 pm


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