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Apples 3/3/2018
A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women
<br><br>
The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left he gave is love 7 apples
1 Comments,
23 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
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Crosses 3/3/2018
What do you get if you cross a bullet and a tree with no leaves?
A cartridge in a bare tree. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a bat with a lly hearts
club? Lots of blind dates. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a donkey with an owl? A smart
ass which knows it all. <br><br>
What would you get if you crossed a mole with a porcupine?
A tunnel ...
1 Comments,
17 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Mice 2/24/2018
Mice How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? <br><br>
Now, wait a minute, before you scroll down for the answer, see if you can figure this out. Come on... Think about it! How many? <br><br>
All right, if you think you're really ready to give up... <br><br>
but you're going to be very embarrassed.. <br><br>
<br><br> ...
1 Comments,
25 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Leaving Early 1/15/2018
women all worked in the same office, with the same
female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave
work early. day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they
would leave right behind her. After all, she never ed,
or came back to work, so how would she know they went home
early. <br><br>
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening, ed ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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I want to see something really cheap 12/27/2017
After being away on business for a week before Christmas,
Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
<br><br>
<br><br>
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. <br><br>
"That's a bit much, " said Tom, so she returned
with a smaller bottle for $30. ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Ethel 12/24/2017
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to
charge around the nursing home, taking corners on wheel
and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was sandwich short of a picnic
the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually
joined in. day Ethel was speeding up corridor when a door opened
and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Onions And Christmas Trees 12/10/2017
A family is at the dinner table. The asks his father,
'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? <br><br>
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, , there
are kinds of Boobs: <br><br>
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and
firm. <br><br>
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. ...
0 Comments,
28 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Trouble sleeping 12/6/2017
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
<br><br>
"Well, I, uh, " she stammered. "I think
I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." <br><br>
"I see, " he said. "I can help you, but
I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." <br><br>
"That's not ...
1 Comments,
38 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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This old wino 12/6/2017
This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately
told him to get out. The said that he would only leave
if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking
this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail
stick and watched him stagger back outside. <br><br>
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got
asked to leave by the barman. This ...
1 Comments,
24 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Elderly Couple 12/6/2017
An elderly couple who were both widowed had been going out
with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends
they decided it was finally time to get married. Before
the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the
old gentleman decided it was time to broach the ...
1 Comments,
26 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Frozen Wimdows 12/6/2017
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen." Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it." <br><br>
Wife texts back: <br><br>
<br><br>
"computer completely fucked now."
1 Comments,
23 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Deodoranjt 12/5/2017
I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
1 Comments,
13 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Paddy 12/5/2017
Paddy walks into his GP's surgery and punches doctor!
He then shouts "You bastrd telling my wife she has
a nice fanny!" The doctor says "I told her she's got acute angina..!"
1 Comments,
17 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Mick & Paddy 12/5/2017
Mick met Paddy in the street and said, 'Paddy, will
you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your
wife in future?' 'Bejaysus Why?' Paddy asked. 'Because, ' said Mick, 'the whole street
was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday.'
Paddy said, 'Stupid bastards, the laugh's on
them ... I wasn't home yesterday.'
1 Comments,
21 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Trained 12/5/2017
An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills
came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid
eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run. Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant
whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have
a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger. Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately ...
1 Comments,
22 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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ONLY IN SCOTLAND 12/5/2017
A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy
to speak to the chemist. The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded
cotton bandana, opens it to reveal a smaller silk square
which he unfolds to reveal a condom. The condom has a number
of patches on it. He holds it up. 'How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the pharmacist.'Six
pence, ' says the chemist. ...
1 Comments,
21 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Looks of Disappointment 12/5/2017
A Irishman was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered
open and he said, "You're truly beautiful."
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed
by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're really cute." The wife was ...
1 Comments,
24 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Vely Good 11/20/2017
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating. <br><br>
She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are
doing?" <br><br>
One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you
see? We are all berry hungry." <br><br>
The waitress ...
1 Comments,
31 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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A Few Thoughts For You 11/20/2017
• Those who can laugh without cause have either found
the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving
mad. Norm Papernick • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? • Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker'?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food? • Why do they call the airport ...
1 Comments,
14 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Random Jokes 11/19/2017
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the
middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and
farting, so I knew I made it home OK! <br><br>
<br><br>
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part. <br><br>
I've accidentally ...
1 Comments,
15 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Fake two dollar bill 11/6/2017
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the
extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is
all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about
people getting upset with me. <br><br>
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Jewish Divorce 10/29/2017
A jewish girl calls her mother : 'Mum, I'm getting
a divorce'. 'A divorce? Why?' replied the shocked mother.
'Mum, all he wants his anal sex. I used to have a lovely
little arsehole, the size of a 5p piece. Now its the size
of a 50p piece'. The mother replies 'Sweetie, you have a lovely home,
a Porsche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays
a year.... ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Survey 10/13/2017
In a recent blowjob survey 7% of the men said they like the
feeling. 10% said they like the power and control. The rest
just enjoyed the peace and quiet.
1 Comments,
6 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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The Lonely Widow 10/3/2017
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent
over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that
she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly,
she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision
to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken
in the first place. Not wanting to miss ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Divorce Letter 9/21/2017
Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last
two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today
and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and
didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, ...
1 Comments,
29 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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EATING IN THE FIFTIES 9/20/2017
* Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that
they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A Takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A Pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
* The ...
1 Comments,
19 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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The Irish v. The French! 8/24/2017
The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone
rings. <br><br>
'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice
said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'
'Well Paddy, Sarkozy replied. How big is your army?' ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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EVEN MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 8/20/2017
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they ...
1 Comments,
13 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Dear Alcohol 6/9/2017
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge
fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when
needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game,
and you're even around in the holiday's hidden
inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in
the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately
I've been wondering about your intentions. While
I want to believe that ...
2 Comments,
20 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Sad Dick... 3/12/2017
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is
nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's
a pussy, and his owner beats him.
2 Comments,
30 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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