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Joke with a difference...... 3/10/2004
Can't claim credit for this but for the best laugh in
ages please follow the instructions below.........
<br>
Go to the GOOGLE search engine at 'www.google.com'
Type into the Search box “weapons of mass destruction”
DON'T press return
<br>
Then click on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button
and enjoy the result.
<br>
Somebody out there has a sense of ...
0 Comments,
81 Views,
10 Votes
,6.57 Score
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shitty ideas 3/5/2004
Dont hold your farts in, because they will travel up you
spine to your brain, and thats where shitty ideas come from!
0 Comments,
45 Views,
76 Votes
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Don't Mess With a Woman!! 3/4/2004
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were
three finalists ... two men and a woman. For the final test,
the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and
handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow
your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside this room, you will find your wife ...
0 Comments,
53 Views,
378 Votes
,8.63 Score
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The Penguin and the Mechanic 3/4/2004
A penguin had to take his car for engine repair. The mechanic
told the penguin to leave his car with him for about two hours,
to find out whats wrong. The penguin goes across the street
to a grocery store, climbs into a freezer and fills up on
vanilla ice cream. When the two hours was up the penguin
ges back to the garage to find out what happened to his car.
When the penguin enters the ...
1 Comments,
97 Views,
82 Votes
,6.41 Score
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the mood party 2/29/2004
there was a lady and she was having a fancy dress party.
she asked all of her friends to come dressed as their favourite
mood.
<br>
party time rockrd up and she got her first knock at the door,
it was a lovely lady wrapped up only in pink boas (feather
stolls) "thats a lovely costume and what are u supposed
to be" asked the hostess, "im tickled pink"
was the reply, "thats a ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
68 Votes
,7.28 Score
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BDSM Rednecks 2/25/2004
short list..... tell me if you come up with more.
you might be a bdsm redneck if....
.... you have to borrow the collar back from your subbie
to tie bowser out.
... you call your dom pa when out in public.
... your subbie and your trailer both use the same straps.
... you loose your subbie to a man named skeeter.
... especially if he used to be your dom.
...
0 Comments,
43 Views,
90 Votes
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the crying donkey 2/16/2004
A man walks in a bar and sits down and orders a beer.
He happens to notice a donkey in the bar and gets an idea how
to drink more since he is now out of money for beer.
He calls the bartender over and says" I have a bet for
you" " I will bet you a beer that I can make that
donkey over in the corner laugh". Thinking that the
man has lost his mind, the bartender agrees.
The man walks ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
74 Votes
,6.96 Score
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Dear Audrey 2/16/2004
Dear Audrey
<br>
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each
other during our "cooling off" period, but
I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd
never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little
boy in me talking.
Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.
In my fantasies,
it was always you who would come crawling back to ...
0 Comments,
257 Views,
72 Votes
,7.88 Score
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little johnny's school play 2/11/2004
One day while at school, little johnny tried out for the
school play and won a place in it. The teacher who was just
thrilled that little johnny took a part in it gave him these
lines to practice "Hark!! a pistol shot, there lies
a lady with hope in her soul. I think i'll snatch a kiss
and run into the forest" by william shakespear. Johnny
took these lines home and practiced every day after ...
0 Comments,
44 Views,
33 Votes
,5.72 Score
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nuns at the gates of heaven 2/11/2004
One day at the gates of heaven there were a line FULL of nuns
waiting to pass through into heaven. St.Peter comes through
the pearly gates with a bowl full of holy water, he walks
up to the first nun and says "Sister, have you ever
touched a penis?" The nun replies "well yes
i have, with my finger" St.Peter replies "that
is ok sister, just dip your finger into this bowl of holy
water and ...
0 Comments,
76 Views,
56 Votes
,9.00 Score
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I'm a Bulldog 2/10/2004
A trucker get home after being on the road for 3 weeks.
He climbs in bed with his honey, reaches down and fingers
her snatch - rubs it all over his face and says -"I'm
a bulldog"
<br>
He repeats this 3 more times before his wife speaks up.
<br>
(she is not happy with the ol' dog)
<br>
"Yep, your a all right. Go look in the mirror fido.
Your a blood hound!" ...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
18 Votes
,4.35 Score
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Two Fireman 2/10/2004
Two fireman were buttfucking in a smoke-filled room. The
fire chief walks in, seeing them, and shouts what the hell
is going on here? The fireman in the back said, this man has
smoke inhalation sir. Well did you try mouth-to-mouth
asks the chief? How do you think all this got started he says.
0 Comments,
51 Views,
15 Votes
,3.59 Score
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Cat in the Hood 2/7/2004
Our master was gone
us forbidden to play.
so we knelt on our knees
on that cold, cold wet day.
<br>
I knelt there with Sally
We knelt there, We two.
And oh how I wished
there was something to do.
<br>
Too chained to move much
And too gagged to make noise.
so we knelt in the house,
Our Master's good toys.
<br>
<br>
All we could do was ...
0 Comments,
47 Views,
26 Votes
,6.58 Score
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One up to the Scots! 2/5/2004
A Scotsman & a Englishman are strolling along the beach
when they find a lamp. They clean it up and out pops a genie.
" I'll give you each one wish for freeing me"
says the genie.
The Englishman thinks then wishes. " I believe in
an England for the English, I'm sick and tired of all
these Jocks coming into My country. I wish for a huge wall
around England - to keep the English in and ...
0 Comments,
47 Views,
282 Votes
,7.77 Score
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Other one up for the Scots!! 2/5/2004
Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots,
who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before
the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the
toilet stall at the back of the car.
As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets,
please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the
door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when
it ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
244 Votes
,7.59 Score
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Got any bread 2/5/2004
Duck walks into a butchers upto the counter and asks
"have you got any Bread"?
The butcher looks at him -
"we don't sell bread we're a butchers we
sell meat"!
The duck cock's his head on one side and looks at the
butcher -
"got any bread"?
The butcher looks at the duck -
"look I just told you, we don't sell bread we sell
meat"
The duck thinks about that, looks up at the butcher ...
0 Comments,
81 Views,
48 Votes
,3.85 Score
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Raisin' 2/5/2004
A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes
to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young
man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at
the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof)
and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant
idea.
<br>
"I'd like some raisin bread please, ...
0 Comments,
73 Views,
49 Votes
,8.14 Score
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Legal ditties 2/5/2004
Next time you shake your head and despair about the stupidity
of some people and how more and more 'rules' are
put in place to protect utter imbeciles from their own crass
stupidity consider what they have to put up with in America...
The Stella Awards
<br>
The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin
awards. In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million
U.S. in damages ...
0 Comments,
81 Views,
60 Votes
,8.03 Score
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Affair With The Secretary - BUSTED !!! 1/31/2004
A six year old boy asked his mother a question.
<br>
"Mommy, " he said, "Can people be taken
apart and put back together like machines?"
<br>
<br>
"Of course not, " said Mom. "Why do you
ask?"
<br>
"I heard Dad talking on the phone, " said the
boy. He said he was screwing the ass off his secretary."
0 Comments,
60 Views,
47 Votes
,8.09 Score
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Little johnny 1/30/2004
> > >Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when
the
> teacher asked the
> > > what their fathers did for a living.
All
> the typical answers
> > >came up---fireman, policeman salesman,
etc*.
> > >
> > >Johnny was being uncharacteristically
quiet and
> so the teacher asked him
> > >about his father.
> ...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
32 Votes
,6.62 Score
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RODEO SEX 1/28/2004
Rather sexist this - but what the hell! One for the men here.
<br>
<P>After you have got things warmed up, suggest
to your partner that you have sex with her on all fours - kneeling,
taking a rear entry position.
<br>
<P>As you - and more importantly SHE nears climax,
and you know it is only seconds away for her, call out LOUDLY
"Oh SUSAN" (Unless your ...
0 Comments,
79 Views,
64 Votes
,2.07 Score
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Need service 1/26/2004
A woman who had been bereft of sex for an unconscionably
long time decided to do something about it. She dressed
in an outfit which emphasized her abundant sexuality and
betook herself to a bar not far from home.
<br>
There were several men there, one of whom she decided would
be her prime candidate for relief. She fell into conversation
with him, and it ranged far and wide.
...
0 Comments,
51 Views,
23 Votes
,0.91 Score
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Vacation 1/25/2004
A man returns from a vacation and talks to a friend.
" They were really poor, outside a building I saw a
woman with the writing 'blowjob for food' The
friend asks if he did it " Are you crazy? Sticking my
cock in the mouth of a starving womans mouth?"
0 Comments,
95 Views,
26 Votes
,4.54 Score
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Welcome to heaven! 1/17/2004
...God looks over the millions of people and says "Welcome
to Heaven. I want the women to go with Saint Peter, and the
men to form two lines. Make one line of the men that dominated
their women on earth, and the other of men who were dominated
by their women."
<br>
There's much movement, but eventually the women are
gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were ...
0 Comments,
52 Views,
17 Votes
,7.51 Score
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Pensioners Sex 1/14/2004
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by
going back to the place where they first met.
<br>
Sitting at a caf, the little old man says, "Remember
the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe,
went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you
one from behind."
<br>
"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear, " replies
the little old ...
0 Comments,
46 Views,
11 Votes
,6.35 Score
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THE AMISH ELEVATOR 1/14/2004
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together
again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?". The father,
never having seen an (elevator) responded, ",
I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't
know what it is.".
While the boy and his ...
0 Comments,
37 Views,
15 Votes
,6.96 Score
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Computer Sex II 1/14/2004
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
<br>
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem.
As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited
a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
Big ...
0 Comments,
111 Views,
119 Votes
,8.50 Score
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good product 1/13/2004
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you
have. I've used it since the beginning of married life,
when my mom told me it was the best. In
fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on
my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me
about my drinking problem. One thing led to another
and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white
blouse as well. I tried to get ...
0 Comments,
86 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Have a little fun 1/11/2004
I went to the store the other day and I was in there for only
about 5
minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing
a parking
ticket. So I went up to him and said "Come on buddy,
how about giving me a
break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a
pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing
another ticket for
worn tires! So I ...
0 Comments,
319 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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The Good Napkins 1/11/2004
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her
first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed
one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet.
I then asked my mother why she was keeping "napkins"
in the bathroom. Don't they belong in the kitchen?
Not wanted to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told
me that those were for "special occasions"
(her ...
0 Comments,
116 Views,
9 Votes
,5.56 Score
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