Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
Love Hurts BDSM Fundamentals Editorials    My Magazine > BDSM Fundamentals Editorials > What's in a Name? The meaning of BDSM

What's in a Name? The meaning of BDSM
by Lisa Chavez
BDSM is a nice, tight acronym that actually makes some letters work double time, like good little slaves should.

The first two letters used to be known as B & D, Bondage and Discipline. Though there are all kinds of groupings and specialties, bondage is perhaps the easiest and most obvious. Bondage happens any time a person is bound. Handcuffs are part of bondage. Suspensions, straight jackets, duct tape creations, and mummifications all fall into the realm of bondage. Gags, blindfolds, and hoods are bondage -- they are bound around or to your body. The types of bondage are almost as plentiful as the reasons people do it. For example, rope is a special favorite -- and among the people who bind with rope there are "artists," (it's about the look, man), knoticals (2,000 sailor's knots can't go wrong), and pragmatists (everything after "safe and effective" is time wasted). Some people into bondage like the bondage to be tight and secure, they like the sense that they can't escape or the idea that they are not responsible; others like the feeling of vulnerability. In some way, one or both of the partners engaging in bondage (or solos -- many people into bondage will tell you that they tried tying themselves up when they were kids) find restraint a turn-on.

The D in B & D comes from discipline, as in punishment. You can punish as part of a "scene" (you're the bad school boy and I'm the Dean) or as someone's Top or as someone's Mistress/Master. Punishment can be something as simple as making your partner do the dishes, dress like a member of the opposite sex, or apologize on his or her her knees. All kinds of fun activities from humiliation to corporal punishment (slapping, spanking, paddling, flogging, caning, whipping, etc.) can be part of discipline. Even though discipline can include all of these things, you'll have to find your own flavor as you go along. And you'll also want to tread respectfully on other folks' flavors as you investigate potential partners. For example, some folks very much into spanking may not think themselves part of the discipline community because they just like to spank and be spanked. The well-placed stroke on the reddened bottom is their goal and nothing more. Though this couple might be lumped into the "discipline" crowd, they might think someone who wielded a bullwhip was a monster and resent being categorized with that person. Someone who considers himself a severe leather daddy using only his belt to correct a slow-learning bottom in the ways of fellatio might not think he has anything to do with the Midwestern couple who spank each other's butts with lamb's wool paddles after dinner and before the cunnilingus.

Now, hidden in the middle of the term BDSM, you have the D and S which stand for Dominance and Submission. This includes everything from one partner taking the lead in sex play while the other obeys, to role playing -- where one person, for example, is the Lord of the Manor and his partner is the scullery maid -- to the 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship which often fascinates many kink-curious folks. Though many fantasize about a 24/7 D/s lifestyle, few ultimately decide that it's for them. Note that you'll usually see Dominance and Submission represented as D/s -- capital D and lower case "s." The idea behind this is that the Dominant person (the Top, the Dominant, Dom/Domme, the Master/Mistress) gets the capital letter, and the submissive (lower) partner in the relationship, (bottom, sub, submissive or slave) must be referred to in lower case. You may even see this taken a step further in profiles. People advertising themselves as slaves will refer to themselves with the small "i," or sign their name with all lower case letters. When you're new on the site, it's easy to see all this and wonder if you should be conforming in some way. Simply do what feels comfortable. Despite the currently accepted denotation, D/s, there's no one way to do D/s.

The final letters, SM refer to sado-masochism, a term combining sadism -- which is the enjoyment of giving (or watching) pain -- and masochism, which is the enjoyment of receiving (or watching) pain. In the masochist category, there are people for whom pain is about pushing their limits, people who do it for the endorphin rush, people who like to take pain as part of their submission to someone else, and various combinations in between. Whippings, piercings, brandings, hot wax, cuppings, and endless other tortures come under this heading -- SM folk can be extremely creative.

The BDSM world is a very large place; alternative sexualities, make it even larger. ALT likes to include "fetishes" in the term BDSM. Whatever the fetish (the eroticization of something not generally considered erotic) -- feet, tears, rubber, leather, stuffed bears, historic costumes -- there are people on ALT who enjoy it. We include it in BDSM mostly because you can usually find some element of BDSM in the way the fetish is enjoyed. Foot fetishists, for example, often take a submissive stance: kissing feet, giving foot massages, etc. In addition to boots, riding gear, and corsets, leather fetishists may be attracted to the whips, belts, floggers, strops, and crops, which often accompany SM practices. If none of the activities or proclivities under the ALT umbrella sound like you, ALT is actually a whole lot bigger than BDSM. Sometimes you'll see the term BDSM used as a kind of shorthand for the interests of people on the site, but BDSM tastes aren't a prerequisite for membership to the site. In fact, ALT.com is also a thriving, diverse community of alternative sexualities that includes gays, lesbians, intersexuals, cross-dressers, transgendered people -- and a whole colorful rainbow of other options.

So with this general overview in place, get on out there and happy hunting!

   submitted on 9/20/2004
2 votes
2 votes
23 votes
57 votes
375 votes
Don't like So so Good Very Good Excellent
Members can vote on this response!
Previous article:
How to Stay on Top - Tips for Would-be Dominants
Next article:
Bottoms Up